{"id":55633,"date":"2025-12-28T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-27T23:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/savvytokyo.com\/?p=55633"},"modified":"2025-12-11T17:25:58","modified_gmt":"2025-12-11T08:25:58","slug":"letters-from-japan-whats-wrong-with-a-traditional-new-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/savvytokyo.com\/letters-from-japan-whats-wrong-with-a-traditional-new-years\/","title":{"rendered":"Letters from Japan: \u2018What’s Wrong With A Traditional New Year’s?’"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Hilary<\/span>\u2014What’s Wrong With A Traditional New Year’s?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like many people who come to Japan, I came for the culture. At first it was anime and manga, but after I got here I became completely obsessed with Japanese traditions\u2014especially holidays. I celebrate everything I can, and New Year’s is no exception. I even took classes on different subjects,<\/span> so I wouldn’t be disrespectful. In fact, my former Japanese boyfriend and I used to attend traditional events together.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, early this year I started dating someone new (he’s Japanese too), and about a week ago when I mentioned that I was excited to make my own osechi again. He gave me this really rude look and asked why I bothered since I’m foreign. He said that it was “weird” to want to make osechi or to go to a shrine and that I should be drinking champagne and having a “real party like normal people” do. I laughed it off, but now I feel really awkward about discussing anything related to end-of-year plans with him.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He’s already started talking about what we’re doing for Christmas, which, oddly enough, in his mind is a totally Japanese-style date, but now I’m not so sure I want to do that, or anything with him, to be honest. I’ve been using work as an excuse not to see him at the moment because I really can’t figure out what his issue is. What do you think?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Akeome<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Akeome,<\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Wow! Before I get into your message, I just want to say how impressed I am that you make your own <\/span>osechi<\/em><\/span><\/a> (traditional Japanese New Year’s foods). I’ve only ever attempted it once but I’m pretty sure toshi-koshi<\/em> (New Year’s Eve) soba<\/a> is my limit.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You seem to disagree with what your boyfriend is saying, which is entirely understandable. I’m curious as to why he feels it’s so strange for you to celebrate a traditional Japanese New Year’s, though. The whole “why bother since you’re foreign” in particular stands out to me.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

First things first: have you taken part in, celebrated or otherwise shown an understanding of or appreciation for Japanese traditions thus far in your relationship? Did he make any comments, positive or negative, about that? Did he join in or did he refuse to take part?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If so, and the comments were positive and\/or he took part as well, then it could be that he has a problem with New Year’s specifically. It’s the end of the year, people are stressed out at work, there can be a lot of pressure to make things a certain way for the family’s sake, and so on. It can also be a depressing or difficult time of year. For example, an acquaintance of mine lost several family members around the New Year, and as such doesn’t celebrate it in the traditional fashion. Another friend is estranged from their family and prefers to go out to parties instead.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It could also just be osechi itself that is the issue.<\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

I know at least four Japanese people that absolutely hate the stuff and would rather eat anything else. Or your boyfriend might simply prefer a Western-style New Year’s bash to a Japanese one and be struggling to explain this sentiment to you.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, if your boyfriend is chronically negative or put-off by your appreciation of Japanese culture, his comment could be symptomatic of a different problem with your relationship. If he, for example, takes issue with you wearing a yukata\/kimono<\/a><\/em>, visiting temples and shrines<\/a>, or even something as small as using chopsticks, then he might be gatekeeping his culture or trying to keep you foreign for his own purposes.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does he mock or put down Japanese culture? Or is your appreciation of Japanese culture a common complaint of his? I might start to question why he’s dating you if that’s the case. He may not be dating you for you so much as for the fact that you’re not Japanese.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s not that uncommon for some Japanese men (across all age groups) to have a foreign fetish. <\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

As it were, and to use dating someone non-Japanese to make themselves feel better, or even elevate their social or career status. Some do as it gives them the appearance of being worldly or even capable of speaking another language, when in fact they cannot.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They see dating a foreigner as a stepping stone to better things, be that: <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n