What can’t smartphones do? You can take gorgeous photos, shop, study a language and even get your air conditioner cleaned. Of course, you can also use it to find people—actual people—with dating apps, but what if you’re after something to level up your love life without having to endure endless entries of self-absorbed abs selfies? Well, (voice lowered), ladies, there is a way. Japan’s otome games are here to level up your love life and they are totally addictive.

What’s An ‘Otome Game’?

Otome games are story-based video games that feature a leading character (usually the user) who interacts with and eventually dates (or marries!) one of several characters in the game world. The games are first-person and usually written in conversational dialogue.

The player (you) is presented with a situation or question from characters in the game. There are multiple possible replies to choose from in order to continue the game. The reply that you choose will affect how the character replies and will ultimately determine the outcome of that chapter in the story.

Otome games typically have several chapters or seasons for each character within a given game title. You can replay chapters over again with different answers, and see different versions of the story ending, too. They are like romance-based “choose your own adventure” books.

What’s even better is that several Japanese companies, like Voltage, Inc. and Cybird, also produce localized English versions of their most popular games. This means that overseas-based users can play them without having to speak Japanese (while technically dating a Japanese virtual guy!)

Why Are Otome Games So Appealing?

© Photo by iStock: b-bee

There are several reasons for the games’ sustained and growing popularity. For starters, being romanced in a fairytale fashion is something that many women dream about. Women of all ages can go out and date in the real world, but many choose not to. I talked to friends who play the games as well as people I’ve met via game discussions to get some insight into their appeal.

“I don’t have time for a serious boyfriend, so I have a friend with benefits. But when I feel romantic, I play my favorite game. That’s enough for me,” says 31-year-old Mayu.

Many Japanese women are also facing the issue of partially (or, depending on the case, entirely) losing the romance with their partners once they’ve become wives, and especially, mothers. For many, marriage and motherhood mean becoming known as okaasan (mom) and with it, anything romantic (and quite often, sexual) in their lives begins to fade away. If you’re looking for proof of this, log in to any mom chat board. You’ll see hundreds of concerned posts about that.

“I’m glad that I got married and had children, but being ‘just’ a mother hurts. My husband used to be so sweet to me when we first got married. I don’t remember the last time he even gave me a kiss on the cheek.” (Yuuko, Japanese, 59).

Otome games are filled with idealized outings with your partner, elaborate weddings that not many could ever afford in their real lives and romantic gestures that continue well after the characters get married and have children.

Welcome To Fantasy Land

There is also the element of escapism and acting out on your fantasies—without ever having to suffer the consequences. With your game in hand, you can leap out and enjoy a weekend with a handsome man and never worry about a thing. The ability to indulge in something risque without any real-world consequences is thrilling.

For many Japanese women, the escapism that these games offer is more satisfying than a novel or movie-based romance. “I’ve played the same game for three years, and I don’t get tired of it. Movies can’t do that,” says Mika, a 32-year-old Japanese woman, and a frequent otome games user.

“I play four (Otome) games. Four different guys, all with different personality types. I can match what game I play to my mood that day. It gives me comfort that real men often won’t offer.” (Karen, Japanese, 24).

Others cite the freedom the games give them.

There’s no judgment, no slut-shaming—it’s just a game.

“I can choose who I want to date, or I can date all of them at once. I don’t have to worry about what people think. There’s no judgment, no slut-shaming—it’s just a game,” says Rio, 25.

Another user, Emi, in her early 30s, also enjoys virtual intimacy:

“My ex was terrible in bed. With these games, I know the sex isn’t real, but the care they [the characters] put into the act is more than my ex could manage.”

Understanding The Japanese Dating Scene Via Otome Games

© Photo by iStock: electravk

Otome games are also popular with foreign women. The games aren’t the reality of dating in Japan. However, they contain enough grains of that reality to appeal to an audience that hasn’t experienced it for themselves. So, if you’re trying to figure out what the dating scene and the Japanese image of romance are, a reality-based otome game is a great place to start.

For example, going strawberry picking together. To many foreigners, this doesn’t sound very romantic as it conjures up images of school field trips or manual labor. In Japan, however, the idea of going together to a hothouse farm and finding the perfect strawberries, then enjoying desserts (made from your fresh-picked strawberries) is a popular example of a cute winter date.

Dating Advice Offerings

Things like the ideal Christmas date are also heavily featured. According to some foreign players, this made it easier to understand what their boyfriends were after offline, too.

“He had this image of Christmas I couldn’t get. The game I was playing had a Christmas story, so I played it and got some useful tips on where to go and what to do for our date.” (Carrie, Australian, 28).

“My image of romance was very Hollywood—grand gestures, dramatic displays of passion… My Japanese boyfriend was not like that, and I thought he was a cold fish at first. Then I started to see all the little things he was doing. Those were worth more than any flash mob proposal could ever be.” (Sarah, Canadian, 34).

In many otome games, the localization is such that cultural clues are explained in the conversations between the characters. Which means, technically speaking, you’re learning about life in Japan as you play. Furthermore, you can be practically anyone and meet men from all different generations, classes and styles.

Find A Game Based On Your Own Hobbies/Interests

If you’re interested in history, there are Sengoku era games where you can marry your favorite daimyo (general). There are stories of wooing anime versions of Renaissance artists, modern games featuring soccer players and IT start-up hotshots, and some LGBT characters, too.

Otome games meet a particular market need that mainstream media can’t. They provide quick and easy access to romance in the palm of your hand, with situations, characters and scenarios that adapt and change as you play them. They are the perfect, relatively inexpensive indulgence—for Japanese women, it can be an escape from their everyday life, and for foreign women, it’s a chance to see what dating in Japan is (ideally) like. Did we get you hooked up already?

Recommended Otome Games & How To Get Them 

As mentioned earlier, Voltage Inc. and Cybird are some of the major makers with English versions of otome games. Other popular brands are Ntt Solmare, Arithmetic and Okko. Here are some of the most popular games over the years available in English and Japanese-only:

Popular Games Available in English (as of 2025)

• Hakuoki: A romance set in Bakumatsu-era Kyoto where you join the Shinsengumi and uncover supernatural secrets. Available on: Switch, Steam (PC), iOS/Android.
• Code: Realize (Guardian of Rebirth): Steampunk London adventure with literary legends as love interests. You play as Cardia, cursed with poisonous skin. Available on: Switch, PS4, PC (Steam).
• Amnesia: Memories: The heroine wakes up without memories, each route unlocking a parallel romance and mystery. Available on: Switch, PC (Steam), iOS/Android.
• Mystic Messenger: A mobile-only otome where you chat in real-time with mysterious characters. It has thriller undertones. Available on: iOS/Android.
• Ikemen Series (Ikemen Sengoku, Ikemen Vampire, Ikemen Revolution, etc.): Cybird’s flagship mobile titles with time-travel, fantasy and reimagined historical figures. Available on: iOS/Android
• Collar x Malice: A suspenseful story about a young police officer caught in a deadly conspiracy in Shinjuku. Available on: Switch, PS Vita, Steam.
• Tears of Themis: Detective-romance hybrid from miHoYo where you solve mysteries while falling in love with four leads. Available on: iOS/Android.

Popular Japanese-Only Games (as of 2025)

• Tokimeki Memorial Girl’s Side: The classic high school dating sim where you balance school life and romance. Available on: DS, PSP, Switch remakes.
• Diabolik Lovers: Dark romance with vampire brothers in a gothic mansion. Intense and twisted routes. Available on: Switch, PC.
• Uta no Prince-sama (UtaPri): An idol romance where you play as a composer working with aspiring idols at a prestigious academy. Available on: PSP, Vita, Switch.

My Personal Recommendation

I’ve played Samurai Love Ballad, a game by Voltage Inc., a few times and really recommend it for Japanese history buffs. It’s set in the Sengoku era and features characters based on (much more handsome) versions of famous warlords of the time.

What appeals to me about this game is not just the art but also the fact that historical details about the personalities of the characters have been included—like aversions to certain foods, health issues and so on. It makes playing the game all the more fun.

Check it out for yourself on iTunes or Google Play Store and let the romance begin!

This article has been updated with the latest information for 2025.

Most foreign women living in Japan who want a serious relationship need to put in more legwork than they might otherwise do elsewhere. Shyness combined with language and cultural barriers make dating an even more stressful situation than it typically is. Luckily, we live in an era where you can find anything online—even relationships. A quick search online will show you dozens of different 出会い系アプリ (deai-kei apuri; “dating apps”), but how do you know what will help you find who or what you’re looking for in Japan?

Having been there and done that, I decided to do a quick poll of my foreign friends to find out what dating apps in Japan worked best for them and what didn’t. 15 international women living in Japan gave their original rankings out of five stars. It’s up to you whether to swipe right or left!

1. Tinder

© Photo by Tinder

One that doesn’t need an introduction. While most people are “just looking” on Tinder, if you’re actively trying, you will meet not only people to date but also new friends, drinking buddies, networkers, and activity mates. I found a whole group of men and women to check out summer festivals with, so I can speak from experience when I say that Tinder isn’t just for hanky panky.

Since Tinder began offering its global passport, it’s enabled better connections and broadened communication, which for several of the ladies was a huge bonus. However, in 2025, the global passport will only be available to users with a paid subscription of at least Tinder+.

• Language: English, Japanese and 43 more languages.
• Fees: Free to match, chat and meet. (Special features require a monthly subscription of Tinder+: ¥1,200; Tinder Gold: ¥3,400; or Tinder Platinum: ¥4,300.)
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Yes!
• Ranking: 5 stars

2. Bumble

© Photo by Bumble

Bumble markets itself as an app where the woman makes the first move, and if she doesn’t message, the match disappears after 24 hours. This app originally relied on the user having a Facebook profile first to log in, which made it a bit slow to catch on in Japan, but now that you can log in with an Apple ID or phone number, it is gaining in popularity.

One of the women I surveyed (and who found her current Japanese boyfriend through this app) summarized it as follows: “There are a lot of guys on there, and most of them aren’t on other dating apps. You don’t find as many fake profiles on Bumble as you do with other sites, and you control the whole ‘am I going to bother talking to him’ part, which is really nice.”

In 2025, the app is not just for dating, it now has features for business opportunities (Bumble Bizz) and making friends (Bumble BFF). Within the app, you can switch from one feature to another, which makes it very versatile for the global community. Similarly to Tinder, the app now offers a “Travel mode” that allows Bumble Premium users to match with other users worldwide.

• Language: English, Japanese and 16 more languages.
• Fees: Free to swipe, match and message. (Special features require a monthly subscription of Bumble Boost: ¥1,600; or Bumble Premium: ¥3,200.)
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Yes! Users on both ends have 24 hours to start a chat or reply.
• Ranking: 5 stars

3. Zexy Enmusubi

© Photo by Zexy Enmusubi

Zexy Enmusubi is a dating app that is part of a popular Japanese wedding services company. The app overall works on the same principles of matching based on shared interests with a fairly high success rate. Whether this is due to their association with weddings and marriage already is anyone’s guess, but of the people that I know that have used this site, two married someone they met on there, and one is planning her wedding now, so make of that what you will.

“I met my husband on this site, so of course, I would recommend it to anyone serious about marriage, having kids and staying in Japan. It does work if you’re brutally honest with yourself about what you’re looking for. If you’re still trying to figure that out, don’t bother with this app.” (Jane, American, 31)

• Language: English and Japanese
• Fees: Free to register and match. (To send more than one message a monthly subscription of ¥4,900 is required.)
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Zexy Enmusubi no longer allows you to search for same-sex users.
• Ranking: 4½  stars

4. Omiai

© Photo by Omiai

Omiai is one of the largest online dating apps in Japan, and it relies on your Facebook profile, Apple ID or phone number to search for your ideal match. This is a konkatsu (marriage-centered) service, so unless you’re looking for a serious relationship, Omiai might not be the site for you. There are 24 points that you can filter your results by, including nationality and income level, which some users pointed out makes this site seem more for sugar daddy searching than anything else, but overall, no one had any serious complaints about this site.

For daters in 2025, Omiai has somewhat rebranded itself in more of a Tinder/Instagram-friendly fashion, and no longer strictly places focus on it being for marriage. However, if you’re seriously looking to meet a marriage partner, this is probably still your best option when it comes to dating apps in Japan.

• Language: Japanese only.
• Fees: Free for women. Men can match for free but must pay ¥3,900 per month if they want to send more than two messages.
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Once you set a gender, they will only show results for the opposite gender.
• Ranking: 4 stars

5. Tapple

© Photo by Tapple

Tapple is a dating app where, instead of filling out a profile and searching for people, you fill out the qualifiers of what sort of man you’re interested in, and then join different groups based on your hobbies. Then, you’re shown a selection of men who share that interest and meet your criteria, and you can either like, skip, or super like their profile.

While I had some positive experiences meeting and talking to people on this app, when the time came to actually meet in person, the people that I spoke to were very hesitant to meet offline. One guy actually said he preferred to talk and date online exclusively. Other foreign female users I spoke with had similar results, so this might not be a good choice if you are seriously looking to meet someone.

Thanks to numerous updates to a more streamlined, Tinder-like service and TV and online commercials in 2025, Tapple has become a very competitive app. It is preferred by those in their 20s who are looking for a relationship that could lead to something more. Plus, the number of people who want to take things slowly and start online here makes it ideal for those wanting companionship but have yet to head out on the town.

• Language: Japanese only.
• Fees: Free for women. Men can register for free but must pay ¥3,700 per month if they want to send messages.
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Once you set a gender, they will only show results for the opposite gender.
• Ranking: 4 stars

6. With

© Photo by With

With uses a point system called “With Points” that allows you to meet your ideal partner. The app is very popular among university students, with the vast majority of users in their 20s and only eight percent of users over 39. With young people being the core user group, you might expect more people looking for casual hookups. However, Japanese dating app review sites say the app is used mostly by people who want a serious relationship.

One of the major selling points of With is its psychological tests that match people based on their values. Newcomers to the app/dating scene can use this app with ease too, as there is plenty of help in terms of introductory message/conversation guides.

• Language: Japanese only.
• Fees: Free for women. Men can register and take the psychological test for free but must pay ¥3,600 per month if they want to send messages and like users.
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Once you set a gender, they will only show results for the opposite gender.

7. Pairs

© Photo by Pairs

Pairs is another online dating site that has had numerous TV and train commercials since going online. This site and its related app allow you to hide your full name, enabling its users to go by initials instead. Their target audience tends to be younger Japanese men, “so there are plenty of guys to choose from, but those that are interested in pursuing a serious relationship with a non-native Japanese speaker are few and far between, at least in my experience,” according to a user.

“It’s updated a bit, but nothing really major has changed about the quality of the users,” says the same person as above. “I still use it, and sometimes you find someone nice, but it’s more work than some of the other dating apps in Japan out there now.”

• Language: Japanese only.
• Fees: Free for women. Men can match for free but must pay ¥3,700 per month if they want to send messages.
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Once you set a gender, they will only show results for the opposite gender. There is a tagging function where you can use keywords like LGBT to identify yourself, however, if you’re seeking the same gender, there is not much point.
• Ranking: 3 stars

8. Tokyo Futari Story

© Photo by Tokyo Futari Story

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government released an official dating app last year in 2024 for those living, working or studying in Tokyo. The app features a high-security and government-backed vetting process that requires users to prove their marital status and income and take part in an online interview to confirm their identity. This app is recommended for those very serious about making a lifelong match. Although there’s more required in the initial cost and effort, this system guarantees that you’ll find someone who’s willing to go through all the effort to find love.

• Language: Japanese
• Fees: ¥11,000 registration fee
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Once you set a gender, they will only show results for the opposite gender.

9. Happy Mail

© Photo by Happy Mail

Happy Mail first began in 2001 but wasn’t a major player in the dating apps scene in Japan for a long time. According to their website, thanks to consistent efforts over the last twenty years they have the largest number of members of any dating/matching app in Japan. There are just over 25 million people on Happy Mail, looking for everything from pen pals to marriage-centered dating.

Based on testimonials from male friends and a few women, it’s quite similar to Pairs but has more of the immediacy of Tinder in terms of matching, so it all comes down to what or how you want to go about dating in 2025 whether this app is what will work for you.

• Language: Japanese
• Fees: Free for women (plus a 120 point present as some services require points). Men can register for free and receive 120 points too but use points to access various functions of the app. One point costs ¥10 but you can buy points in bulk.
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Users can choose which gender they are seeking and use specific LGBTQ+ keywords to search profiles and message boards.
• Ranking: 3 stars

10. YYC

© Photo by YYC

YYC has been around since 2006 and still lists itself as Japan’s largest dating service. When you join, you are given some free points to use to meet and match with others based on your own search parameters. The vast majority of this service’s users are young professionals. YYC is a dating site designed for people who want to combine the blogging space of LiveJournal with the influencer lifestyle of Instagram, so if you aren’t the type to frequently update and message, you might find this site to be more of a hassle than anything else. “Casual users tend to just disappear after their free points run out, so it’s not a place for you if you aren’t ready to commit to the effort,” said one user.

None of the ladies I spoke with still used YYC, so I gave it an honest try. I have to say it wasn’t all that bad, but I did find it somewhat repetitive. If your Japanese isn’t up to par, it can be a struggle to navigate as well. In 2025, the app has a “live streaming” feature that allows users to go live on camera to communicate with other users in that way.

• Language: Japanese only.
• Fees: Free for women. Men can register for free but must use 50 points to send messages and 10 points to look at profiles. One point costs ¥1.1 but you can buy points in bulk.
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: You can search for users under specific keywords such as LGBTQ, レズビアン (rezubian; “lesbian”), バイセクシャル (baisekusharu; “bisexual”) or 同性愛 (douseiai; “homosexual”). Putting these words in your profile description will allow others to find you with those keywords too.
• Ranking: 3 stars

11. OkCupid

© Photo by OkCupid

Billed as “the best dating app for matching what matters to you,” OkCupid is much more detail-focused than Bumble or Tinder, with the average time to fill out your profile coming in at around 45 minutes. You can, of course, opt to leave most of your profile empty, but based on the experiences shared with me, it isn’t recommended because you’re most likely to remain unnoticed. According to one woman who has used it, “OkCupid has a lot of serial daters on it, so if you use other dating apps in Japan, you may be discouraged by the dating pool overall.”

In the 2025 dating scene, it’s still a staple, but the imbalance in users and the volume of fake profiles is staggering. It’s also said to be a hassle to sign up for too, so unless you’re really determined to use it, you’d probably have less trouble with a different app. In Japan OkCupid is often promoted as “the dating app to meet English-speaking foreigners”, so you may encounter more “gaijin-hunters” (someone who specifically targets foreigners to date) and those looking to practice their English skills.

• Language: English and eight other languages. (Not available in Japanese.)
• Fees: Free to engage, match, converse. (Special features require a monthly subscription of OkCupid Basic (A-List): ¥1,200; or OkCupid Premium: ¥2,400.)
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Yes!
• Ranking: 2 stars

12. JapanCupid

© Photo by JapanCupid

Not to be confused with OkCupid, JapanCupid is a part of the Cupid Media Group, a niche-based dating site group, that connects users with people from around the world rather than just in their immediate area. While this makes it somewhat less appealing to users in Japan, JapanCupid is popular with those who will not be staying in Japan for the long term, and with those who are looking for someone to marry—though there are far more Japanese women on this site than there are Japanese men.

Unfortunately, when a friend logged in, she was inundated with several fake profiles and soon deleted her account. “Claiming a 20-year-old Korean pop star is really you, but you’re a 36-year-old Japanese man? No thanks.”

It’s also important to note that this app is only available in the Google Play store. Other users will need to access the site via a web browser.

• Language: English, Japanese and 17 other languages.
• Fees: Free to use with ¥2,240-¥16,000 per item upgrades in app.
• LGBTQ+ Friendly?: Users can choose which gender they are seeking.
• Ranking: 1 star

To find more information on marriage-centered dating apps in Japan click here.

Have you ever used any dating apps in Japan? Share your experiences in the comments.  

This article has been updated with the latest information for 2025 by The Savvy Team. The rankings and user comments are from the original 2020 publication date.

Back when I taught English, I once led a discussion on coming out. No, this wasn’t some sneaky initiative to promote the gay agenda—the topic was actually in the book! As I went around the room eliciting stories, every single one of my eight fully grown adult students admitted they’d never met an LGBTQ+ member in Japan. Of course, what they really meant was they’d never met someone who was out.

In Japan, it isn’t a crime to be homosexual, but it’s not exactly accepted either. From my experience, the general narrative accepted by mainstream society is that LGBTQ+ individuals hardly exist. Hate crimes and public displays of discrimination are rare, but this may be because queerness is rarely flaunted and violent crimes often go unreported.

Though five percent of the population allegedly falls on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, many queer people are closeted, which makes meeting them a challenge. Traditional ways of finding a partner might not work for someone whose identity or orientation is a secret. I dabbled but had little luck—as a lazy bisexual, I mainly stuck to dating men. Also, being a cis femme (someone who was born female, identifies as female and dresses like a stereotypical female), people always assumed I was straight anyway.

In order to get a better look into Japan’s queer dating scene, I enlisted the help of more experienced expats who identified as female. The result: insight into life as an LGBTQ+ woman living in Japan. As outsiders, expats simultaneously have an easier time coming out (in general, we aren’t held to the same standards as native Japanese) and a more difficult one (we may not fully comprehend local norms and social cues).

LGBTQ+ & Japan’s Society

© Photo by iStock: george tsartsianidis

Japan is already a safe place for queers and is steadily improving its stance on gay rights. Queerness is also getting more representation in the media—a reality dating show on Netflix called The Boyfriend is the nation’s first same-sex dating program, and at the end of last year, we saw gay and trans representation in the taiga (NHK’s renowned annual historical series) drama, The Tiger and Her Wings.

Yet, there remains a feeling among many that queer people are an “unproductive” burden to society. At least, those were the scathing words of politician Mio Sugita in 2018. There was also a case of an Osaka man who wasn’t allowed to attend his same-sex partner’s cremation in the same year. These may sound like isolated incidents, but discrimination runs deep among the older and more conservative generations who hold most of the political power. According to a 2023 TBS/JNN poll, 61% of Japanese men and 51% of Japanese women over 60 believe same-sex marriage is unacceptable.

Our round-up of Japanese laws that need to be amended for LGBTQ+ rights also details the legal challenges the community still faces today.

It’s no surprise the ladies I interviewed tend to get mixed responses from those they come out to.

Cultural Norms & Traditions Make Acceptance Difficult

© Photo by b-bee

Socorro, a cis-female lesbian from Mexico City, entered Japan’s LGBT+ scene about 12 years ago. “Dating in Japan can be challenging if you do not understand the language and, most importantly, the culture. Tradition, especially for people living in the inaka (countryside), is very embedded and people need to respect that.”

“Being out of the norm, I feel as if in their eyes, I was not fulfilling my duty as a woman,” she told me. However, she pointed out that Japanese people tend to be respectful enough not to say such things out loud.

That isn’t always the case for people close to her. “My mother-in-law… has told me a couple of times to ditch her daughter and go find a good man in order for me [to]… make babies. She doesn’t mean wrong. It is just a different education and perception about life,” she said.

Ciera W., a 25-year-old Black American woman who identifies as cis lesbian/queer, was surprised by the reactions she got after moving to Japan. “In America, I’m perceived as queer based on my appearance. I have short hair, ‘edgy’ clothing, piercings and I exclusively wear sports bras. People just know. In Japan, I’m often asked if I have a boyfriend or if I’m married to a man,” she said.

Ignorance Exists, But Not Always In A Bad Way

Sadie Carter, a 28-year-old JET from Florida, who identifies as a lesbian trans-woman, said people tend to be ambivalent towards her. “I don’t think there’s the same level of violent homophobia or transphobia there is in, say, America, but queerness is often seen as an aberration or joke.“

Kay, a bisexual female from the Philippines, said it depends on the person. “Especially compared to my home country, gayness and queerness still seem to be very foreign concepts to a lot of Japanese people, young or old.”

According to her, people tend to be very curious when she mentions her sexuality. “I get this impression that to a lot of them, it’s still something so unfamiliar, like something they hear on the news or read about in books but don’t really see or think about much at all in their daily lives.”

“When I’d mention to Japanese friends or coworkers that I have a girlfriend and/or that I’m bisexual, a lot of them have said something along the lines of ‘Wow! It’s my first time meeting someone who’s LGBT,’” she said.

Younger People Tend To Be More Accepting

Sadie mentioned most people, especially younger folks, appear not to have issues with her identity. “All of my Japanese friends have been super accepting of me coming out and most of them already had Japanese LGBTQ+ friends.”

An anonymous 28-year-old American woman living in Osaka, who is “mostly gay but still working on it,” said, “My Japanese friends who know I’m not straight are totally cool with it. Recently a friend asked me, ‘Are there any girls or guys you’re likin’ right now?’ which was very nice.“

Support from Japan’s youth is also evident in polls. TBS reported that for Japanese people aged 18-30 women (90%) and men (75%) supported legal same-sex marriage.

Finding The LGBTQ+ Scene in Japan

© Photo by iStock: electravk

As in many places around the world, lesbian and bisexual communities can be harder to find than those for gay males. Shinjuku Ni-chome and Doyamacho, Tokyo and Osaka’s gay districts respectively, cater more to men than women.

That being said, urban Japan, especially Tokyo, does provide female-friendly lesbian bars and queer spaces. “Even if you are not looking for anything but a good chat, I think the lesbian bars in Tokyo help a lot with that,” Socorro said.

So, How Does One Actually Find A Partner?

The starting point for many is mingling at gay bars and clubs. These tend to work like those in other countries, but some may operate differently than what you’re used to.

Socorro said she found it “extremely bizarre” how a little bar she stumbled upon in Hokkaido in northern Japan operated. The Sapporo spot had just a few seats and the bartender interacted with all the patrons at once and made them become friends. “I went alone,” she said. “I was pretty scared and I actually went a couple of times and couldn’t get past the door because of my nervousness.” Eventually, she found the courage to enter and made friends with whom she still keeps in touch; one of them even introduced her to her current girlfriend.

Turning To Dating Apps

© Photo by iStock: Thapana Onphalai

The scene at bars and clubs may not suit everyone, of course. Soccoro said, “I don’t believe I portray my best self when I am at a bar. And I think that is true for a large number of people.“

Sadie recommends dating apps like Tinder (where she met her ex) and HER (where she met her current partner). Though she adds, “Most queer people I’ve met through dating apps have been in Tokyo.“

She cautions to watch out for those on dating apps for a different purpose. “The most annoying thing…is the number of Japanese women who just want someone to practice English with. Or they just want foreign friends to make them look cool on Instagram,” Sadie said.

Ciera agreed. “Most women on [Tinder] were looking for an English teacher or don’t have any pictures of their face.” However, she found a way around this.

“I live in a place much smaller than Tokyo, so I decided to upgrade to Tinder Plus. I was able to cast a wider net and swipe on people who actually identify as queer,” she said.

Check Savvy Tokyo’s round-up of lesbian dating apps and ways to meet queer women online.

Meeting People IRL—The Old-Fashioned Way

© Photo by iStock: tdub303

There’s always the tried and true method of taking a chance with people you meet while going about daily life.

“I met my current partner at a small Japanese company while I was there as an intern,” Kay admitted. “I actually wasn’t sure about her orientation, but thought I’d ‘confess’ anyway’ cause I really liked her. Turns out she’s lesbian and now we’re happily together!“

Savvy Tokyo’s line-up of various LGBTQ+ Events in Tokyo and LGBTQ+ Owned/Operated Eateries in Tokyo is also worth checking out.

Ciera advises foreigners not to give up when things seem rough, but also to “acknowledge the fact that you’re in a different place than what you’re used to, so it’s not helpful to compare dating scenes.“

Though challenges persist, it seems like as awareness spreads things are only going to get better for the LGBTQ+ community in Japan.

Japanese dating shows provide something of an antidote to other reality fare. While Western offerings typically prioritize sexy shenanigans and outlandish drama, Japanese reality TV has an almost soothing quality. The country’s reserved culture means that romantic build-up is slower and quieter, but often more meaningful. Courtships typically culminate in semi-formal love confessions, which make for seriously swoon-worthy TV.

It’s no surprise, then, that many viewers who otherwise don’t consider themselves fans of the genre find comfort and joy in Japanese reality dating shows. They can even be instructive for internationals who are dating a Japanese partner. Along with its range of romantic J-dramas, Netflix has undoubtedly built the best library of dating shows from Japan. So, if you’re seeking some romantic escapism, look no further than this list of seven Japanese reality dating shows to binge this Valentine’s Day in Japan.

1. Terrace House: Boys & Girls in the City

While its truncated final season ended in tragedy, Terrace House remains the pinnacle of Japanese reality shows. Its first Netflix outing, subtitled Boys & Girls in the City, is a masterpiece of the genre. Six young men and women live together in a stylish Tokyo house, and we watch as they strive to achieve their dreams in life and love. 

From the start, Terrace House’s calm, decidedly Japanese approach made it a refreshing contrast to the chaos of Western reality shows. But the shockingly meta ending of Boys & Girls in the City featured twists and romance enough to rival any scripted drama. Follow-up seasons Aloha State and Opening New Doors provided similar, if diminishing, rewards. However, Netflix’s first Terrace House has never been topped, and its influence can be felt in just about every Japanese reality show that followed.

Japanese Title: テラスハウス ボーイズ＆ガールズ イン・ザ・シティ(Terasu Hausu Boizu & Garuzu in za Shiti; “Terrace House Boys & Girls in the City”)

2. Love is Blind: Japan

For the uninitiated, Love is Blind asks single men and women to find a potential spouse without ever setting eyes on one another. Participants talk while separated by an opaque paper screen, adorably dubbed ‘the moon’. When they fall in love, they can propose. Only then will they get to see their betrothed for the first time.

The Love is Blind franchise is a global sensation, but many agree the Japan season is special. Perhaps it’s the participant’s earnestness in the search for a life partner. Perhaps it’s the beauty of the set design, with sweethearts meeting on a half-moon bridge surrounded by cherry blossoms. Without giving too much away, one of the joys of the Japanese season is seeing just how accurate the premise of the title can be. Whatever the secret ingredient is, Love is Blind: Japan is in a class of its own.

Japanese Title: ラブ・イズ・ブラインド JAPAN (Rabu izu Buraindo Japan; “Love is Blind Japan”)

3. The Boyfriend

This spiritual successor to Terrace House puts a delightfully queer spin on the format. Here, single young gay and bisexual men live together in a scenic coastal locale. During their stay, they are challenged to match up on dates and profess developing feelings. They also take turns manning a coffee truck, with each housemate inviting his ideal partner along for the ride.

While love and friendship blossom on The Boyfriend, the show is most notable for breaking taboos around LGBTQ+ representation. A deeply affecting scene comes when the housemates share their coming-out experiences. Several participants also expressed a desire to get married, a possibility that remains out of reach for same-sex couples in Japan. If the fact that the show has been renewed for a second season is anything to go by, however, these boys have plenty of viewers on their side.

Japanese Title: ボーイフレンド (Boifurendo; “Boyfriend”)

4. Love Village

Love Village is unusual among Japanese dating shows for showcasing mature relationships. All participants are over the age of 35, with several divorcees and single parents in the mix. The romantic hopefuls begin by working together to renovate a run-down Japanese house in the countryside. If they find love, they must confess their feelings, and leave the village with or without their chosen partner. 

Love Village’s focus on mid-life romance yields some surprising results. The housemates are less inhibited than their younger counterparts. Alcohol flows freely, and the dinner conversation is bawdy from the get-go. However, the participants’ life experiences make it an even more poignant reality drama, with touching animated sequences recounting past losses. It’s warm-hearted and well worth your time. Just make sure to have some tissues at the ready.

Japanese Title: あいの里 (Ai no Sato; “Village of Love”)

5. The Future Diary

Reality shows frequently come under fire for being too scripted, manipulating audiences and cast members alike. But for the young stars of The Future Diary, that’s precisely the point. In this experiment, participants are tasked with acting out the beats of a pre-written romance, right down to moments like holding hands and sharing a first kiss. The question at the heart of the series is, will they fall in love for real?

It’s a preposterous premise that ends up working thanks to the casting of the show’s would-be lovers. The first season unites a Hokkaido boy and an Okinawa girl to see if they can create a genuine long-distance romance. Season two sets up a young trio in a friendship-turned-love-triangle that could be straight out of an anime. By turning the genre’s biggest weakness into its secret weapon, The Future Diary emerges as one of the most tender and emotionally engaging dating shows around.

Japanese Title: 未来日記 (Mirai Nikki; “Future Diary”)

6. Ainori Love Wagon: Asian Journey

This pre-Terrace House format (also imported to Netflix from Fuji Television) has all the features of regular Japanese TV. Manic text captions, sarcastic voice-over, and the exaggerated reactions of studio commentators collide on screen. All of this makes Ainori Love Wagon a less relaxing experience than other entries on this list, but its core charms are similar.

In Ainori (literally meaning ‘love ride’), a gaggle of young singletons board a bright pink minivan for an international adventure. Half the fun is watching the sheltered young Japanese cast break out of their comfort zone as they experience the fun and culture shock of foreign travel. However, the main attraction is seeing whether any of them will return to Japan as boyfriends or girlfriends. A follow-up season, African Journey, is also available to stream.

Japanese Title: 恋愛バス：アジア之旅 (Renai Basu: Ajia Ryokou; “Love Bus: Asian Journey”)

7. Is She the Wolf?

Is She the Wolf introduces a group of impossibly glamorous Tokyoites looking for love. Sparks fly in all directions as the cast members work together to complete a romantic photography project. But there’s a catch: at least one of the female participants has been assigned the role of ‘the wolf’, and must entrance her male castmates without falling in love herself.

The twist within the twist, of course, is that you can’t prevent someone from falling in love. After all, forbidden fruit is often the most tempting. The fact that most of the stars here are quite successful figures in Japanese entertainment gives it a glossier and more manufactured feel than other dating shows. But the romantic psychodrama between the suspicious castmates is all too real and all too addictive.

Japanese Title: オオカミには騙されない (Ookami-chan ni wa Damasarenai; “Don’t Be Deceived by the Wolf”)

Have you watched any of these Japanese reality dating shows? Let us know in the comments!

Walk into the manga section of your local Japanese bookstore. The overwhelming images you’ll see are wide-eyed girls with impossible melon breasts. Even before a single word or picture is written, the assumption is clear. Girls exist to titillate men—whether they are characters, readers or the wider patriarchal society as a whole.

Now head to the part of the manga section furthest from the entrance. Here, you’ll see softer images of romance with titles for elementary school girls. Then, right near that, you’ll find the glossy covers featuring pretty boys—some of them closing in for a kiss. This is “boys’ love” (BL), a Japanese genre of manga, novels, anime, movies and now computer games. It features love relationships between young men but, surprisingly, is not made for a gay audience.

For A Female Audience

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The boys’ love following in Japan is fierce but small. According to data from the Yano Research Institute, less than one percent of the population identifies themselves as BL fans, and the market earns only about one-twentieth of the overall domestic manga industry. Yet, despite being a minor one, the audience is solid.

Predominantly written by women, readers are also overwhelmingly female. BL is more than just double the eye candy, as these tales of romance between beautiful androgynous boys release women from a judgmental gaze and create a world that frees them from the constrictive social norms of reality.

Boys’ love is similar to the West’s slash fiction. Both depict homosexual relationships and emerged largely from amateur creations by fans. The majority of readers in both categories are women. However, most female fans of slash fiction identify as other than heterosexual.

In contrast, BL has some gay, bisexual and heterosexual male readers. Yet its fan base is predominantly heterosexual young women. Around 60 percent of them are aged between 15 and 29 years old.

Boy’s Love vs Yaoi

The Japanese genre is currently known by the katakana name ボーイズラブ (boizu rabu) or the abbreviation BL (ビー・エル). In the West however, it is still predominantly known by the older Japanese name of yaoi. This was the self-deprecating name that writers used back in the early days. It was derived from the initial sounds of the Japanese words “yamanashi ochinashi iminashi,” (山なし、落ちなし、意味なし), which means “no climax, no point, no meaning”—in other words, a really dull, dud of a manga.

Currently, in Japan, the two terms refer to different genres; boys’ love focuses on romance and is less extreme, while yaoi goes all the way with explicit sex scenes.

Breaking Into A Male World

The term “boys’ love” emerged in the early 1990s. However, the material began in the 1970s when female writers broke into the male-dominated world of manga for girls. Some started creating a genre of highly aesthetic depictions of relationships between boys. This was known as shonen ai, literally “boys’ love” in Japanese, and often referenced classical literature.

Amateur female writers then began creating subversive, sexualized parodies of mainstream anime and manga for boys. The male characters were recast as gay lovers.

“Rotten Girls”

As with many subcultures, a range of genre-specific words has developed. Key among boys’ love and yaoi is the word fujoshi (腐女子), used to describe female fans. This term takes the word for “women and girls” and changes the first kanji character to read as “rotten girls.”

The phrase emerged in the early 2000s among anime and gaming fans on the 2channel online community. At the time, 2channel was very popular in Japan. It was a self-deprecating label acknowledging how mainstream culture views women who enjoy imagining romantic relationships between men.

When discussing the coupling between characters, readers use specific terms. Uke (受け) means “to receive” and refers to the traditional female role, or “bottom” in modern English. Seme (攻め) means “to attack” and refers to the male role, or “top.”

Why Read BL?

© Photo by Flickr: Timothy Takemoto

One Japanese female fan, a blogger who calls herself Ancha, says the greatest attraction of BL media is that readers can be part of a world that they can’t experience in real life and feel sensations that they wouldn’t otherwise feel. The obstacles to BL characters loving each other are much higher than in regular narratives. This makes the stories more romantic or “satisfyingly heartrending” for readers.

“For example,” Ancha writes on her webpage, “if the main character likes a boy but thinks he is straight, he will be fraught with doubt. He may wonder if it’s OK to like him or not. The greater difficulty for characters to get closer and reveal their feelings gives readers emotional excitement.”

Ancha began reading BL at about 12 years old and loved a BL version of Naruto. She says it is also exciting for women to read from the perspective of the seducer, or seme, as women are usually cast in the opposite role in real-world relationships. She also enjoys the absence of a female heroine in BL. In mainstream manga for girls, female characters are sometimes not relatable. The all-male lead cast of BL media makes it “stress-free,” she says.

It is stress-free reading because women don’t project themselves onto the male characters.

For characters to love each other despite heightened difficulty, including social resistance to homosexuality, inspires readers. Ancha describes this as “reverence for a pure love that ignores the judgments of others. BL is noble,” she says.

Beyond Judgment

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Being beyond judgment may be the ultimate attraction of BL. The way in which the genre developed shows professional female writers’ frustration with not being able to fully enter their chosen field, while fans’ creations show their thirst for boy-boy romance. Whether conscious or not, both reject the surrounding patriarchy in favor of a world of their own that they wish to enjoy uninterrupted by masculine demands and judgments.

Although the BL characters are men, the storylines are written according to women’s romantic desires and sensibilities. The characters have the heart of a girl in the body of a boy, which thoroughly removes any body shaming issues for readers.

Boy’s Love creates a world where women are not subjected to the judgments of men.

Beyond the pages, even, by labeling themselves “fujoshi,” BL fans prevent others from sticking a different label on them. With this subversive term, they voluntarily cut themselves off from the demands of the world of men, with “rotten” making it clear that they are no longer fit for male consumption.

Other Comments

A sub-genre of BL that depicts sexual relationships between older men and underage boys is commonly frowned upon, and gay rights activists have criticized BL for its inaccurate portrayals of homosexual men. Writers and fans, however, back up the genre by saying that the characters are not meant to represent real men anyway, and that separation—or escape—from reality is central to fans’ attraction to BL.

The academic world has also had much to say about boys’ love media, with most scholars praising it for aspects such as allowing readers to challenge fixed identities and explore alternative ways to navigate desire.

Rachel Matt Thorn, a cultural anthropologist at Kyoto Seika University, has described the appeal of BL among women of various industrialized nations as being based on “discontent with the standards of femininity to which they are expected to adhere, and a social environment that does not validate or sympathize with that discontent.” She sees its popularity as going hand in hand with the spread of “proto-feminist consciousness.”

Shared Goals

© Photo by Wiki Commons: Microsoft Bing Image Creator

Integral to Boy’s Love is its autonomy of female self-expression. (One manga writer has described the erotic yaoi media as providing a female alternative to conventional made-for-men pornography.) Freedom of female expression is an important step toward feminism. BL pushes that further by rejecting socially mandated gender roles. Its characters typically pursue shared goals in an equal partnership that breaks through the traditional male-female hierarchy.

BL media also offers a positive space for LGTBQ+ readers by creating fluidity in perceptions of gender and sexuality and resistance to the expectation of heterosexuality.

The genre, therefore, seems closely linked to two big social movements that have affected the world in the last few years—gender equality following the #MeToo movement and LGTBQ+ rights. But it is not wise to expect much social action from a subculture that revels in its separation from the real world and a readership characterized as tucking itself away in its bedroom to read.

It is reassuring, though, that when the petty ways of an unethical world get us down, Boy’s Love can perhaps help refresh our faith in the ideals of equality, mutual respect and freedom of identity. Sometimes, it may not be the Good Book that one needs, but a naughty one.

Have you read any Boy’s Love manga before? What did you think of it?

This article has been republished for 2024.

There are plenty of reasons to enjoy Japanese dramas on Netflix. But have you ever considered using Netflix to better understand relationships in Japan?

Maybe you’re introducing your Japanese partner to your family or want to know what you’re getting into before marrying a Japanese salaryman. Whatever the case, fictional love stories can teach us a lot about how Japanese people view love and relationships. Romantic dramas in Japan also tend to reflect cultural trends. Sexual inexperience in adults, attitudes towards adultery and LGBTQ+ rights are all topical issues these dramas explore.

So, if you’re ready to tune in, here’s our selection of seven Netflix dramas that will help you understand relationships in Japan.

1. First Love

First Love immediately stands out from other Japanese dramas on Netflix for the way it looks. Luminous cinematography turns the snow, sunshine and neon glow of Sapporo into a nostalgic dream. An appropriate tone for a story about missed chances and lost love.

The story spans twenty years in the lives of Yae and Harumichi. Once high school sweethearts with big goals, their adult selves find that their dreams seem further away than ever. After a chance reunion, the two begin to wonder if lasting happiness could begin with first love.

While the romance in First Love is somewhat idealized, the story is grounded by the reality in which it takes place. Aging apartment buildings, careers that never materialized and the struggles of being a single mother are the backdrop of this tender story, which may just bring a tear to your eye.

• Japanese Title: First Love 初恋 (Hatsukoi; “First love”)
• Genre: Romance

2. My Husband Won’t Fit

It would be difficult to believe the story of My Husband Won’t Fit if it weren’t based on an anonymous memoir that caused a stir in Japan a few years ago.

The drama depicts the relationship of married couple Kumiko and Kenichi. They love each other deeply, but there’s a problem: they can’t have penetrative sex. The reason seems to be a physical problem of Kumiko’s until it’s revealed she lost her virginity as a high school student. So why can’t she do it with the love of her life?

The real mystery here is not why Kumiko and Kenichi can’t have intercourse, but why they don’t seek help for the problem. It makes the drama a frustrating and sometimes heartbreaking watch. But it’s also an accurate depiction of the communication issues that can exist in Japanese relationships, and the problems that can arise as a result of the country’s poor education around sexual and emotional wellbeing.

• Japanese Title: 夫のちんぽが入らない (Otto no chinpo ga hairanai; “My husband’s penis won’t fit”)
• Genre: Drama

3. My Dear Exes

My Dear Exes, also known in English as Omameda Towako and Her Three Ex-Husbands, is a zippy comedy series that tackles unusual ground for J-drama: life after divorce. As the alternative title suggests, Towako has been married three times. She’s now raising her teenage daughter alone while working as the head of a construction company. But her three ex-husbands can’t seem to stay away.

Traditional family values are still deeply-rooted in Japanese culture, and ending a marriage is often viewed as a mark of failure. So a drama celebrating a thrice-divorced career woman like Towako feels like a breath of fresh air. The smart, snappy dialogue isn’t necessarily realistic, but the show’s focus on how romantic relationships can evolve into deep friendships is poignant and relatable.

• Japanese Title: 大豆田とわ子と三人の元夫 (Omameda Towako to sannin no motootto; “Omameda Towako and her three ex-husbands”)
• Genre: Comedy, Drama

4. What Did You Eat Yesterday?

LGBTQ+ representation in Japan is far from mainstream. Depictions of same-sex couples are largely limited to the ‘Boys Love’ genre; titillating stories aimed at a straight female audience. So there’s something deeply refreshing about What Did You Eat Yesterday? a realistic slice-of-life drama about a middle-aged gay couple in Tokyo.

Based on a manga of the same name, the story follows uptight lawyer Shiro and his much more effusive partner, Kenji, a hairstylist. As the title suggests, food plays a big role in their relationship, with the home-cooked meals Shiro lovingly prepares for Kenji lingering over by the camera as they would be in a cooking show. It’s a delicious, heartwarming delight. 

• Japanese Title: きのう何食べた? (Kinou nani tabeta?; “What did you eat yesterday?”)
• Genre: Slice of Life, Cooking

5. Love and Fortune

The plot of Love and Fortune is an uncomfortable one. Thirty-something Wako is fed up with her boyfriend, who seemingly takes their life together for granted. But when she meets 15-year-old Yumeaki, dangerous sparks fly.

The taboo nature of Wako’s affair plays differently in Japan, where the age of consent was only raised from 13 to 16 in 2023. Wako herself feels far guiltier about cheating on her boyfriend than about sleeping with a teenager. But if you can stomach the storyline, you’ll discover one of the most honest depictions of relationships in Japanese drama.

The fatigue that can threaten long-term relationships and lead people to stray is brilliantly, painfully depicted here. It’s also gorgeous to look at; pay attention to the ways color helps tell the story. While Love and Fortune can be a tough watch, it’s ultimately rewarding.

• Japanese title: 恋のツキ (Koi no tsuki; “Love’s luck”)
• Genre: Drama, Romance

6. Ripe for the Picking

Lovely but unassuming office worker Kosaka is 32, and still a virgin. After years of bad luck in love, she decides it’s time to get the experience she lacks. When Kosaka crosses paths with equally shy maintenance man Kagiya, she thinks he could be the one she’s looking for. As the pair’s relationship haltingly blossoms, they learn that real intimacy is about much more than who you sleep with.

Ripe for the Picking is a sweet and watchable drama that nevertheless touches on a range of issues in modern Japanese dating culture. (One subplot involving a character coming out as asexual is a noteworthy moment of representation.) And at just nine 25-minute episodes, you’ll feel it’s all over too soon.

• Japanese Title: 瓜を破る〜一線を越えた、その先には (Uri o waru 〜 issen o koeta, sono sakini wa; “Breaking the melon 〜 Crossing the line, what lies beyond”
• Genre: Romance, Drama

7. The Could’ve-Gone-All-the-Way Committee

Just about everyone has a story about a time they nearly hooked up with someone. Memories of such moments can be bittersweet, even years after the fact. The Could’ve-Gone-All-the-Way Committee is a quirky drama that poses the question: what might have happened that night if things had been different? 

In each episode, a different candidate presents their almost-did-it story to a panel of three judges. After forensically examining every aspect of the tale, they declare whether the candidate could or could not, in fact, have gone all the way. While this drama doesn’t exactly offer much commentary on long-term relationships, it’s a great examination of the rules of seduction in a notoriously indirect culture.

• Japanese Title: やれたかも委員会 (Yareta kamo iinkai; “Could have done it commitee”)
• Genre: Comedy, Slice of Life

Have you watched any of these Netflix dramas to better understand relationships in Japan? Let us know in the comments.

The LGBTQ+ scene in Tokyo is well and truly thriving. However, thanks in part to the nation’s, at times, prudish attitude to sexuality, it remains a little more hidden than its queer contemporaries across the globe. If you’re new to town and don’t know where to begin, or you’re looking to build a community of similar folks, here’s a crash course of the best lesbian and bisexual-friendly bars and apps in Tokyo.

The Nicho Neighborhood

© Photo by iStock: LeoPatrizi

Ni-chome, aka ‘Nicho’ for the locals, is Tokyo’s best-known gay neighborhood and home to the densest population of clubs, bars and other LGBTQ-centric establishments in the city. Apart from the occasional rainbow flag during the day, the area is almost indistinguishable from many of inner Tokyo’s bar-populated back streets, but as the sun sets, it truly comes alive.

Here, you’ll find an eclectic, friendly crowd of expats, locals, visitors and every in-between. Though the regulars who frequent the area come from all walks of life, everyone is chasing the same three things: community, fun and booze. It’s here where you’ll find most of Tokyo’s lesbian-centric bars. Relatively easy to access from anywhere in Tokyo, Nichome is less than a 10-minute walk from the east side of Shinjuku Station, and practically on the doorstep of Shinjuku-Sanchome Station.

Lesbian Bars in Tokyo

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Lesbian bars in Tokyo offer a warm, welcoming space for women to connect, relax and have fun. Check out the following spots for their laid-back atmospheres where women can be themselves without judgment.

Bar Gold Finger

Bar Gold Finger has been a Nichome institution since 1991 and is probably still your first point of call for those looking for female company. A popular alternative to the EDM-heavy nightclub dance floors, this shabby-chic hangout is jam-packed on the weekends. It’s open to both guys and girls most nights, except for Saturdays, which is strictly a female-only affair. If you’re a bit of a show-off, it’s worth noting that the bar also has a public karaoke machine that you’re more than welcome to ambush.

• Hours: 6 p.m.–2 a.m. (Fri-Sat until 5 a.m.)
• Address: Hayashi Building 1F, 2-12-11 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

LAGOON

This women-only bar is ideal for first-timers or solo visitors. Their cozy, counter-only seating means you’ll be seated close to others, making it a great place to meet new people. The staff are very welcoming and will make you feel at ease, whether you’re a regular or visiting for the first time.

• Hours: 7 p.m.–1 a.m. (Fri-Sat until 3 a.m.); Closed Mon & Sun
• Address: Shinchidori Building 1F, 2-18-10 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

Ellevie

Located next to LAGOON, Ellevie is a bright, cheerful bar with a welcoming staff that makes first-time visitors feel right at home. The bar features both counter and table seating and has a very friendly, community-oriented vibe. The staff often engages with customers, leading to great conversations and a relaxed atmosphere, so you’ll have fun wherever you decide to sit.

• Hours: 6 p.m.–12 p.m. (Fri-Sat until 4 a.m.)
• Address: Shinchidori Building 2F, 2-18-10 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

Dorobune

Known for its savory okonomiyaki (Japanese-style savory pancakes), fresh veggies and a wide selection of drinks, Dorobune is a great place to enjoy food and socialize. The bar regularly hosts events and meetups, providing a fun opportunity to meet new people. And the best bonus: It’s also dog-friendly!

• Hours: 7 p.m.–12 a.m. (Fri-Sat until 1 a.m.); Closed Mon & Holidays
• Address: Vera Heights Shinjuku Gyoen 205, 2-7-3 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

agit

Agit is a welcoming space for women and men (with a female accompaniment). The entrance is open and inviting, so you can get a sense of the vibe before walking in. Although the bar has both table and counter seating, if you’re looking for a more intimate experience or have concerns about being a first-timer, go with the counter seat. The friendly staff will make an effort to engage with you and make sure you’re comfortable.

• Hours: Weekdays: 7 p.m.–1 a.m.; Weekends: 7 p.m.–3 a.m.; Closed Mon & Tue
• Address: Matsui Building 1F, 2-15-9 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

Adezakura

A little deeper into the Nicho labyrinth is where you’ll stumble across Adezakura, a laid-back bar for women that is welcoming to everyone else, too. There’s no cover charge but entry requires you to buy one ¥900+ drink. At the bar you’ll find a mix of friendly local and international patrons, so even if your Japanese isn’t perfect, there’s always somebody to chat with.

• Hours: 8 p.m.–4 a.m. (Fri-Sat & Holidays until 5 a.m.); Closed Mon & Tue
• Address: Shinoda Building 1F, 2-15-11 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

Bar Five

Sitting on the second floor of a nondescript building complex is Bar Five, the ideal hangout for a relaxed glass of wine and a casual chat. This intimate bar is the perfect antidote to the sometimes manic energy of the world below.

• Hours: 7 p.m.–2 a.m. (Fri-Sat until 5 a.m.; Sun & Holidays until 12 a.m.); Closed Mon
• Address: 2F, 2-15-8 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

New Sazae

This one is not a lesbian bar, but it is arguably one of the area’s most legendary spots. Opened in 1966, New Sazae was one of the earliest gay bars to pop up in Nichome. It’s killer retro soundtrack, friendly staff and effortlessly cool crowd have made it the best party in town 365 days a year.

• Hours: Fri-Sat: 10 p.m.–6 a.m.; Closed Sun-Thu
• Address: Shinjuku Ishikawa Building 2F, 2-18-5 Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

Locations Outside Nichome

Bar Urue

Located in Ikebukuro’s very own “Nichome” area, Bar Urue is a relaxed lesbian bar in Tokyo with both counter and sofa seating. The staff is known for being friendly and engaging, with some even offering life or love advice! The bar hosts regular meetups, which is a fantastic way to meet new people and expand your social circle. For regular visitors, the bar has a points card system where you can earn stamps with every drink purchase, ultimately getting free drinks once you collect enough stamps.

• Hours: 7 p.m.–12:30 a.m. (Fri-Sat: until 1:30 a.m.) Sun: 7:30 p.m.–12:30 a.m.; Closed Wed
• Address: 2-61-15 Ikebukuro, Toshima City, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

News Cafe

Although not strictly a gay establishment, or a bar, News Cafe is an LGBTQ-run cafe located in the slightly more upmarket neighborhood of Jiyugaoka. If you’re looking for Japanese-Western cuisine, great coffee and an LGBTQ-friendly environment, stop by.

• Hours: Mon-Sat: 12 p.m.–8 p.m. (Sun & Holidays: until 7 p.m.); Closed Tue & Wed
• Address: Hachikou Building 4F, 2-9-11 Jiyugaoka, Meguro City, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

See our LGBTQ+ owned/operated eateries in Tokyo article for more casual dining options.

Tips For Visitors

© Photo by iStock: kokouu

Most of the bar venues will charge an entry fee or a minimum drink fee to enter. This is standard practice throughout Tokyo’s nightlife scene, so don’t be surprised if you get asked to pay at the door, even if the bar looks like a cozy hole-in-the-wall establishment.

If you have fallen in love with a bar and it’s set to become your new local, some venues in Nichome offer a “bottle keep” service. The system is this: you pick a bottle of your favorite poison from the bar (sake, shochu, whiskey, whatever) and the staff will keep your bottle in the fridge ready and waiting for you each time you visit. If you seriously like to drink, it’s an excellent excuse to go out and a great way to integrate into the local bar scene.

Some bars have gender-specific restrictions on certain days, so to avoid the embarrassment of realizing you’re the only girl in the room or your friend is the only boy, it’s best to read the door signs carefully. If the bar staff does ask you to leave, don’t be offended. You have to remember this is Japan, after all, a nation that loves rules, plus there are so many other places to visit.

One useful tip before you head out is to download the Japanese messaging app Line, which is the most popular app for communication in Japan. If you’re looking to exchange contact information with someone, particularly a girl, doing so through Line is a great casual approach.

Online Meet-Ups

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If you’re looking to build a network of gay comrades, you’re more interested in dating than drinking or just want to go beyond the boozy streets of Nicho, then consider hopping online to try your luck.

5 Dating Apps for Lesbians & Bisexuals in Japan

1. HER (English & Japanese): A favorite for sexual minority women (lesbian, transgender, queer, bisexual). HER offers many gender, sexuality and pronoun options, making it a safe space for all.
2. Cosy (English & Japanese): For lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people. Cosy allows users to message anyone they’re interested in (not just mutual matches) and has a phone call feature.
3. Zoe (English & Japanese): A dating app for sexual minority women with customizable profiles (identity, desires, appearance). However, Zoe’s user base may be smaller than that of other mainstream apps.
4. PIAMY (English & Japanese): A social networking app for lesbians and sexual minorities. PIAMY focuses on connecting people based on empathy and shared interests using hashtags.
5. Spindle (Japanese): A more casual, Twitter-like app that allows users to tweet, like and comment. Also hosts real-life events to meet others in person.

Tinder & Bumble

These days Tinder and Bumble are so ubiquitous that they really need no introduction. One interesting little cultural quirk, however, is that here in Japan, a large portion of female users who identify online as ‘interested in women’ have downloaded these dating apps as a way to meet new people and make friends sans romance. To avoid any confusion or miscommunication, it’s definitely worthwhile adding to your bio your status (looking to date, meet gay people, etc). On Tinder, you can choose your gender, set your sexuality and hide it from others if desired; Bumble allows users to select their gender and sexuality.

Stonewall Japan

Stonewall Japan is an excellent online community resource and group populated by a mix of local and international queer members who are someway connected to Japan. If you are planning on coming to Japan and want at least one source of relevant info, join the Stonewall Japan Facebook Group. The group is like a community noticeboard or virtual roundtable, a queer brains trust where people come together to share news, stories, ask for advice and connect with one another.

Outdoor Meet-Ups

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To avoid maxing out your data limit and spending hours swiping through the wrong digital catalogs, here’s a rundown of the most popular IRL lesbian events in Tokyo.

Lesbian Meetups in Tokyo

Meetup is like a friend-making app built to help people meet in real life. There are occasional lesbian events listed here for Tokyo, as well as broader-reaching LGBTQ+ events. The Tokyo Lesbians Meet & Connect group, in particular, is for women who identify as lesbian (or bisexual/transgender) and want to meet other like-minded people over delicious food! The group mostly meets on weekends for lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant.

TIPSY

TIPSY is Japan’s largest women-only event for lesbian and bisexual women. Since its inception in 2012, it has quickly gained popularity through word of mouth. With a mission to bring L-culture into the mainstream, TIPSY has earned widespread support from women across Japan by hosting successful parties at top domestic clubs like Shibuya’s clubasia, Roppongi’s V2TOKYO, Shin-Kiba’s ageHa, Osaka’s JOULE and Fukuoka’s bijou. See their offical website for more information on their next upcoming event!

Tokyo Rainbow Pride

Tokyo Rainbow Pride is the widest-reaching, most public event on Tokyo’s LGBTQ calendar. During the event, there are a series of small, queer-centric parties, gatherings and art events. The centerpiece of the event, a large, open fair home to numerous stalls and live performances, runs across the road from Yoyogi Park. With food, booze, novel attractions, and informative booths, it’s always a whole lot of fun.

If you want to learn more about LGBTQ+ people in Japan or share your insider knowledge, Savvy’s sister website, GaijinPot, also has an LGBTQ-specific page, so be sure to check it out!

This article has been updated with the latest information for 2024 by The Savvy Team.

Introducing your Japanese partner to your family might feel like a big step, but it’s likely an even bigger deal for them. Traditionally, introductions to a Japanese partner’s parents go hand-in-hand with marriage proposals. Although this trend is changing nowadays it will depend heavily on the family involved. 

In my boyfriend’s case, he’s never talked about his love life with his family, let alone introduced a partner. So when I told him that I wanted him to meet my parents and brother when they visited Japan, he was surprised, and very nervous. On the flip side, my family were keen to get on well with him without committing any cultural faux pas.

I had my own worries, too. My boyfriend and I have a multilingual relationship, but would my family be able to communicate with him? Would he be traumatized by the unstoppable force of my mother’s hugs?

Despite everyone’s reservations, introducing my Japanese partner to my family turned out to be a huge success. Everyone found plenty to talk about, and lots of laughs were had. For the most part, things went well naturally. But I was glad I had done some groundwork to prepare everyone for the occasion.

With that in mind, here’s some advice to help you prepare for introducing your Japanese partner to your family. 

Things To Tell Your Family

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If your family are anything like mine, they’ll be just as keen to make a good impression on your partner as the other way around! A few simple tips should help them feel more at ease.

Hugs and kisses aren’t common greetings.

Hugging and kissing are unusual even between close friends and family members in Japan, so warn your family that your partner might be overwhelmed with this kind of hello. Likewise, your partner probably won’t expect a formal Japanese bow. A friendly handshake will do.

Teach your family a few Japanese phrases to show care and respect.

Just as you may teach your Japanese partner a few basic phrases in English, having your family know some Japanese can leave a good impression on both sides. Here are some useful expressions they could try using:

• hajimemashite (nice to meet you)
• yoroshiku onegaishimasu (literally, ‘please take care of me’)

If you’re eating together, your family might want to say:

• ittadakimasu (before eating a meal)
• gochisousamma deshita (to the restaurant staff after the meal or after eating)

Include them in the conversation.

Even if your partner has great English, they may still struggle to understand when your family speaks at native speed. Especially with local slang and all sorts of cultural shorthand. It’s easy for family members to underestimate how excluded this might make your partner feel, so encourage them to slow things down and keep your partner involved in the conversation.

Understand that you may not have met their family.

For cultural reasons, you may be introducing your Japanese partner to your family without having met theirs. This is because meeting the parents in Japan is often a precursor to marriage. So, if you’re not looking at engagement rings just yet, it’s a good idea to explain to your family why this imbalance is not necessarily a red flag.

Prepping Your Partner

© Photo by iStock: Aida Lopez Jimenez

My boyfriend initially had a few qualms about meeting my family. Thankfully, I was able to use these steps to win him around.

Explain the cultural difference.

Depending on how old-fashioned your partner and their family are, they may associate meeting the parents with marriage. Explain that this isn’t usually the case in your culture. On the contrary, your family might be alarmed if you did get engaged to someone they had never met. They could even take offense if your partner declines to meet them. Tell your partner that this meeting will mean a lot to you—without meaning you expect a ring!

Familiarize them with your family.

If you’re sure your family will get along well with your partner, tell them so! You can point out things they have in common, describe your relatives’ personalities and show them photos. This way, your partner won’t feel like they’re going in cold. 

Show them western movies or TV shows.

Family sitcoms like Schitt’s Creek and Gavin and Stacey include storylines where characters are introduced to their partner’s family members without an engagement. These examples can give your partner a tongue-in-cheek model for what the meeting might look like—as long as they don’t take it too seriously!

Reassure them you’ll be there to translate.

If your partner is worried about being able to communicate, tell them that you’re more than ready to bridge the language gap. You can even practice some of the questions your family is likely to ask so that they feel comfortable talking about things like their work and interests.

What To Do On The Day

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Once the date for the meeting is set, it’s time to think about where you’ll get together and what you’ll do so that everyone can relax and get to know one another. Here are some suggestions. 

Meet for lunch or dinner.

Getting together for a nice meal is always a safe bet. Avoid over-formalized restaurant settings so that the meeting doesn’t resemble an official introduction following an engagement. Instead, choose something casual, like a conveyor belt sushi restaurant or a pizza place. Keep the atmosphere light. 

Plan a fun activity.

If your family and your partner have things in common, it’s a great idea to plan an activity that everyone can bond over. You might want to visit a cultural site like a shrine or temple, go to an exhibition or even watch a baseball game!

Be ready to interpret.

Depending on the language skills of everyone involved, you will probably have to do a bit of translation work. Being ready and willing to interpret, including summarizing things for your partner when your family members are talking among themselves, will make everyone feel more comfortable and help them to have a good time. 

Advice For LGBTQ+ Couples

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Same-sex marriage is not yet legalized in Japan, and significant stigma remains around being LGBTQ+. Many people are not out at work or with their families. This might make your partner especially nervous about meeting your family. Explain to them that your family is accepting and welcoming. They may even find reassurance in being embraced for who they are by your family if they can’t be open with their own.

Of course, it’s not always the case that Japanese families are more conservative. One episode of the popular Netflix reality show Queer Eye in Japan provides a lovely example of a young gay man introducing his Canadian boyfriend to his mother and brother, which you and your partner may want to use as a model for your own introduction.

How Did It Go?

© Photo by iStock: Toru-Sanogawa

As soon as they were introduced, it was clear my boyfriend and my family would get along. At the end of their first meeting, my boyfriend commented on how kind and gentle my dad was—even going so far as to say he struck him as quite Japanese in his manner. 

While he could never say the same about my mum (who immediately disregarded the no-hug advice) he quickly got used to her touchy-feely ways. When it was time to say goodbye, he was able to anticipate and initiate the final hug. My mother was so delighted that she kept squealing, “he hugged me!” for the rest of the day. 

Now, I’ve moved on to preparing everyone for the next challenge: bringing my boyfriend home for Christmas in the UK! 

Do you have any advice for introducing your Japanese partner to your family? Let us know in the comments!

A friendship marriage, referred to as tomodachi kekkon (friend marriage) or yuujyou kekkon (friendship marriage) in Japanese, is a marriage formed solely through friendship. In most cases, the defining characteristic of the partnership compared to traditional marriage is the lack of a sexual relationship.

This unique partnership is gaining steam as a life choice for young people in Japan. It is thought to currently account for 1% of marriages in the country. Keep reading to learn all about how partners in friendship marriages can manage their relationship, household and potential children. And, of course, we will also explore why friendship marriages are becoming more popular in Japan.

Why are people in Japan marrying their friends?

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Japan’s low birth rate and declining marriage rate have been a cause of alarm for decades. And, simultaneously, as we have recently covered on Savvy, there are still many legal hurdles for equality for women and LBGTQ people in the country. Despite the legal, economic and cultural factors affecting marriage and birth rates, there has been much reporting on young people’s lack of interest in coupling up.

Friendship marriage, like companion dating, confronts the complicated economic and cultural landscape of marriage in Japan. Of course, like any other marriage, people choose to enter this kind of coupledom for a variety of reasons. Here are a few that are often cited:

• Navigating the heterosexual dating world is too exhausting and time-consuming.
• Individuals yearn for companionship and commitment without sexuality.  
• Cultural, legal and economic barriers to coming out as queer make it feel “not worth it.”
• People who identify as LGBTQ point to the lack of nationally recognized same-sex marriage. As well as the difficulty of having children in a same-sex partnership.
• Some people seek a stable family life without worrying about sexual jealousy, betrayal, etc.
• People want to search for marriage partners who respect their asexual or nonsexual identity.

Friendship marriages are especially appealing to people who identify as sexual minorities in Japan. Some LGBTQ, asexual and nonsexual people still desire to participate in a heterosexual family unit, either with children or without. Friendship marriage can allow people to enjoy companionship. They can have the support and economic advantages of a long-term partnership without a sexual connection with their marriage partner.

How is a friendship marriage different from that of a couple who marries for love?

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The main difference between a friendship marriage and a marriage borne out of attraction is the decision to not have a sexual relationship with your spouse. In some relationships, sex is kept outside of the marriage following whatever boundaries that the partners put in place. For others, such as those with asexual and/or nonsexual partners, both people agree that they are not interested in pursuing sexual relationships either in the marriage or outside.

In either case, proponents say that many people are interested in a marriage without the ups and downs that can come with a long-term romantic and physical relationship. However, should feelings of romance or attraction develop elsewhere, they can perhaps more easily discuss it together and come to an agreement.

How do these couples organize their home life and live together? Do these couples have children?

© Photo by iStock: miya227

While some couples marry but choose to live separately, the majority of couples share a home, with or without children. Some individuals in friendship marriages hope for a long-term partnership without children. Since friendship marriages usually sidestep sexual relationships, having children can be more complicated. However, if both partners hope to have a family, advances in reproductive technology, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF), can help make this dream a reality.

The service agency Colorus, which helps to connect individuals hoping to find a partner for friendship marriage, found that 80% of its successful marriages result in cohabitation with a child while 15% cohabit without children and 5% live separately, with or without children. The agency also explains that almost all friendship marriages established using its services have used reproductive technology to conceive.

In contrast, the marriage advice agency TMS Partner suggests that friendship marriages are not well-suited for individuals who hope for a family with children. The kodomo mondai (child problem), as they call it, can rear its head if one partner wants to try for a child, perhaps through intercourse with their spouse, but the other is uncomfortable. As with traditional marriages, it is essential to have deep conversations about starting a family before tying the knot.

What are the main steps to take if you’re interested in a friendship marriage?

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Some friendship marriages begin with a preexisting bond. Perhaps it is a university friend whom you never dated or a childhood friend whom you never had feelings for. There are many pluses to marrying a longtime friend, such as shared histories, shared interests and ease of communication. Should problems in the marriage arise, from disagreements about money to extramarital attractions, partners in a friendship marriage can draw on their shared past and similar values to work together.

For others, friendship marriage partners can be found online. Similar to how many use dating apps to find a suitor for traditional partnerships, both straight and queer. The service agency Colorus is dedicated to helping people find partners for friendship marriages. After initially signing up, you apply for an omiai (formal meeting with a prospective spouse). You can then contact each other for up to six months before “graduating” from the agency and getting officially married.

So, there you have it! With cultural, legal and economic barriers still in place, especially for sexual minorities in Japan, friendship marriages have emerged as an appealing option. With the chance to gain lifelong companionship and family while remaining true to your own boundaries and identity, this is a unique life path that may continue to gain popularity.

Would you consider entering into a friendship marriage? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

When it comes to Japanese laws related to LGBTQ rights, Japan is often criticized by the international community. Take a look at these recent reports:

• The 2023 Human Rights Watch report on Japan notes the continuing lack of non-discrimination laws regarding sexual orientation and gender identity and no recognition of same-sex marriages by the national government.
• Amnesty International’s 2023 report adds that a new law in 2023 fell short of providing concrete protections for LGBTQ groups.

Despite these realities, these groups and others have taken up the fight for equality:

• J-ALL: an advocacy group that proposes new policies. It lobbies the government for positive change in the lives of LGBTQ people.
• Stonewall Japan: an organization that organizes events for Japan’s international LGBTQ community and provides social and mental health resources.

We’ve made an overview of the legal challenges that LGBTQ people face living in Japan. Keep reading for a list of four laws that stall the possibility of real, positive change.

Same-Sex Marriages Aren’t Legally Recognized 

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Among the criticisms made against the Japanese government, the 2023 Human Rights Watch lists the lack of legal same-sex marriages in Japan.

The Problems 

• A foreign national in a same-sex relationship with a Japanese citizen cannot receive a visa on the basis of their relationship in the way a heterosexual couple can.
• No law exists that allows or prohibits hospital visitation rights for same-sex couples. Individual hospitals can refuse visitation because these couples aren’t legally family.
• There are plenty of other problems related to social insurance, taxes, inheritance and parental rights.

Challenges To The Law

In March 2024, the Tokyo District Court ruled that the government’s position on same-sex marriage violates the second clause of Article 24 which guarantees “individual dignity and the essential equality of the sexes.” The Sapporo High Court also declared that the Civil Code and Family Register Act don’t consider same-sex marriages as unconstitutional. Thus, any prohibition violates Articles 14 (equality under the law) and 24.

Over half of Japan’s prefectures recognize same-sex marriages by issuing special certificates. These allow limited access to rights enjoyed by heterosexual couples. However, these certificates are not legally binding, and they can be refused by persons and organizations in positions of power.

Transgender Rights

© Photo by iStock: Chalffy

At the end of 2023, transgender people in Japan scored a victory when the Supreme Court ruled that forced sterilization for those seeking to transition is unconstitutional. However, the country’s current laws on changing genders lie in the 2004 Gender Identity Disorder Special Cases Act. The requirement of sterilization was only one of several problematic requirements outlined.

The Problem

• Gender transition surgery is still required for those who wish to change genders. This is an expensive procedure with a lengthy waitlist and is not desired by all who want to transition.
• People looking to transition cannot be married at the time of changing genders. This is because the marriage would become a same-sex one, which is not legally recognized in Japan.
• It is illegal to transition when you have children under the age of 18. This requirement can postpone the transition for years.

Challenges To The Law

The Supreme Court decision comes with an increasing awareness of transgender issues. According to a poll conducted with local government officials, almost all respondents stated that they would have no issue working alongside a transgender coworker. In the same study, about 70% reported that gender changes without surgery were not a problem. Several ongoing cases are challenging the need for gender transition surgeries. Some observers think that this requirement may be the next to be axed.

Only Married Heterosexual Partners Have Access To Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART)

© Photo by iStock: Amonsak Sriwilai

The first baby born via ART in Japan was in 1983 through in-vitro fertilization (IVF). Since then, Japan has increasingly been dealing with low birth rates. Assisted reproductive technology use has been on the rise, and Japan is now the world’s largest user. The Japanese government has been covering ART under the national health insurance plan as of April 2022.

The Problem

• Only married heterosexual couples have access to ART in Japan. This leaves out single women and same-sex couples.
• While some same-sex couples leave the country to use ART, they are not necessarily guaranteed to have access to medical support back in Japan as the law doesn’t allow it.

Challenges To The Law

Although there has been some news in recent years about pregnant queer women being refused health care, there seems to be no real movement on the issue. Kodomap, an LGTBQ advocacy group, petitioned the government and declared that all women, regardless of marital status or sexuality, should have the right to maternal care.

Japan Lacks Any Anti-LGBTQ+ Discrimination Laws

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Among G7 nations, which includes Canada, the US, France, Germany, Italy, and the UK, Japan is the only one without an anti-LGBTQ discrimination law. Under intense international and domestic scrutiny for the lack of legal protections, the Japanese government discussed a new bill calling for LGBTQ rights the day before the start of the May 2023 G7 summit. Ultimately, the bill passed the following month.

Despite the “Act on Promoting Public Understanding of Diversity in Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity” being a milestone step in the right direction for LGBTQ rights, the bill was significantly weakened during discussions leading to few practical improvements.

The Problem

• While the original bill declared clearly that discrimination based on gender identity and sexuality would “not be tolerated,” the final version instead reads, “unjust discrimination” is not permitted.
• Advocates argue that the change in wording not only doesn’t change the status quo but opens up avenues of legal discrimination where it didn’t previously exist.
• Although the new law aims to promote a greater understanding of LGBTQ people in Japanese society, it offers no legal protections against discrimination.

Challenges To The Law

The lead-up to the G7 summit was the last big push to advance positive change. At the moment, no significant cases are putting the question of discrimination in the spotlight. But, we’ve already mentioned several cases about same-sex marriage and transgender rights that have ended in (minor) victories and other ones still in the courts. Because all broadly deal with forms of discrimination, there could always be a shift in momentum towards anti-LGBTQ discrimination legislation in the future.

With public opinion in Japan shifting towards greater inclusion and rights on a variety of LGBTQ issues, advocates and allies must continue to pressure the government for the possibility of change moving forward.

Are there any Japanese laws or issues related to LGBTQ that are close to your heart? Spread the word in the comments below!

When it comes to LGBTQ+ spaces in Tokyo, the lion’s share lives in Shinjuku Ni-chome. While Ni-chome’s well-known nightlife is great for the right mood, it’s hard to capture the tenderness of gazing into each other’s eyes over a drink when the soundtrack is bass music and shouting. We sniffed out six queer-positive eateries in Tokyo that don’t limit the fun to bar time.

1. Alamas Cafe
2. Seijo Sakedokoro En
3. Cafe & Bar Hinata
4. Shinjuku Dialogue
5. Dorobune
6. Roy to Silo

While you’ll certainly be able to get a beer at most featured establishments, we’ve picked spots where alcohol isn’t the main focus. Conveniently, many of the locations we scouted are located around tour hubs and areas with solid support for foreigners, guests and tourists alike.

Alamas Cafe

© Photo by Alamas Cafe

The menu at Alamas Cafe leans tex-mex with its focus on loaded street-style tacos and nachos. Though the name Alamas comes from the Thai language, Christian iconography and Mexican fiesta energy inspire much of the decor at this Ni-chome eatery. Looking at the venue’s X (formally Twitter) page would give the impression that this is just another theme-y bar, but you can pop in confident that you’re going to find some real food. It’s a good Uber-eats option too if you’re hungry and still want to support the community.

The cafe is operated by Aliving, a company that also runs Aisotope Lounge, Aiiro Cafe (not a cafe, for the record, but an English-friendly bar and LGBQ+ life resource) and Avant Garde Tokyo.

• Address: 2-12-1 Shinjuku, Shinjuku Ward, Tokyo
• Price: ¥1,000～¥1,999
• Hours: Weekdays: 6 p.m.–2 a.m.; Fri, Sat, Sundays before a holiday: 6 p.m.–5 a.m. the next day; Sundays, holidays: 3 p.m.–12 a.m.

Seijo Sakedokoro En

© Photo by Seijo Sakedokoro En

In many ways, En is an izakaya like any other. Homey Japanese dishes fill patrons up after a long workday. Here, “toriaezu, nama” (the Japanese equivalent of “Just a beer for now!”) is a cultural equalizer, not just an order. Located about three minutes from Seijo Gakuen-mae station, you won’t see the owners of En making a big deal of their connection to the LGBTQ sphere. Instead, their pride comes from a commitment to fresh ingredients and a genuine appreciation for good nihonshu (sake).

We recommend this spot for couples who aren’t looking for a place that’s loud and proud. Instead, En offers a chance for queer couples to fully enjoy a simple and very real experience. Come here for karaage and hand-holding under the table without worrying about a sideways glance.

• Location: Royal Garden Seijo 1F, 6-3-15 Seijo, Setagaya Ward, Tokyo
• Price: ¥2,000～¥2,999
• Hours: 2 p.m.-10:30 p.m. (Last order at 9:30) (Closed Tues/Wed)

Cafe & Bar Hinata

© Photo by Cafe & Bar Hinata

Hinata opens at three and runs into the night at its fifth-floor venue in Ikebukuro. The space has Japanese “bal” bistro energy like a patissier crashed into an izakaya. We love it though, because the freedom and creativity that flow through Hinata’s menu make it especially welcoming. Hinata’s appeal reaches into the hearts of women looking for a space to be themselves.

Aside from being no-boys-allowed, Hinata has one more quirk: smoked meats are the specialty. Popular menu items like ham-donburi (a rice bowl topped with house-made ham), smoked bacon and eggs, and even cream cheese aren’t what you’d typically expect to find in a place that also offers lattes and chiffon cake. If you’ve ever felt too worried about scarfing down smoky bacon and saucy, spicy noodles in front of others, this is the spot to let it all hang out.

• Address: Dai-3 Tsunagari 5F, 1-1-14 Ikebukuro Toshima Ward, Tokyo 
• Price: ¥1,000～¥1,999
• Hours: 3 p.m.–11 p.m. Closed Tues and one other day a week (check calendar)
• Remarks: Women only.

Shinjuku Dialogue

© Photo by Shinjuku Dialogue

Order a drink and donate 50 yen to one of the designated sustainable development goals. Beer, soft drinks, coffee—take your pick! Then order a vegan lunch plate to go with it. Dialogue commits itself to forming close ties with local farms and offering a menu that highlights plant-based and fermented foods.

This Shinjuku San-chome cafe brings individuals from all walks of life together to consider how we can move towards a brighter future. With contemporary ways of thinking and a palpable concern for the way things are going, Dialogue invites all people to enjoy food prepared with respect for each other and the planet.

• Address: Shinjuku Building 1, Hall 2, F3, 3-1-32 Shinjuku, Shinjuku Ward, Tokyo 
• Price: ¥1,000～¥1,999
• Hours: Cafe: 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; Bar: 6 p.m.-11 p.m. (closed Mon, Tue)

Dorobune

© Photo by Dorobune

Dorobune is loved for its izakaya atmosphere, but the philosophy of its specialty is the real kicker. After all, okonomiyaki and life are both most enjoyable when you honor your own preferences!

The menu includes a solid variety of other dishes too, including salad, gnocchi, pickles and udon specially sourced from a long-running maker in Koenji. Dorobune is the place to go for Okonomiyaki and other teppan dishes with a group of friends and even pets! While men are allowed with recommendations or accompanied by women, Saturday is a girls-only day, so keep that in mind!

• Addres: Tokyo, Shinjuku-ward, Shinjuku 2-7-3, Vera Heights Shinjuku Gaien 205
• Price: ¥1,000～¥1,999
• Hours: Tues-Thu, Sun:  7 p.m.-12 a.m. (last order at 11 p.m.); Fri: 7 p.m.-1 a.m., (last order at midnight); Sat: women only, 7 p.m.-1 a.m. (last order at midnight); Closed Mon
• Remarks: Dog-friendly. Men must be accompanied by a woman on the first visit.

Roy To Silo

© Photo by Roy to Silo

This evening-only dessert bar is inspired by a children’s book featuring two male penguins, Roy and Silo, who raise a chick. The owners don’t rely on gimmicks to make a sale though, as cute as the penguin mascots may be. Instead, they pour their hearts into hand-made whipped cream and vanilla ice cream parfaits.

Occasionally, Roy To Silo opens for afternoon tea events and offers novel twists, such as warm parfaits in winter. Hungry guests can try the curry too, but we recommend going for the classic vanilla parfait with a bonus dollop of whipped cream served tableside.

• Address: Reo-su Building 3F, 2-41-3 Kabuki-cho,  Shinjuku Ward, Tokyo
• Price: ¥2,000～¥2,999
• Hours: Wed/Thurs: 8 p.m.-1 a.m (last order at midnight, 60 min seat limit); Saturdays: 8 p.m.-2 a.m. (last order at 1 a.m., 60 min seat limit); Sundays: 1 p.m.-5:30 p.m. by reservation only

Have you been to any of these spots or recommend any other LGBTQ+ owned eateries in Tokyo? Let us know!

A note from the author: While different cultures and individuals choose to adopt many different definitions of “woman”, we cannot guarantee what definition these women-only establishes prescribe to, so as always–be true to yourself and protect your energy.