Sex Archives - Savvy Tokyo

5 Luxury Love Hotels in Tokyo

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 01 Nov 2025 23:00:00 +0000

Love hotels (ラブホテル, rabu hoteru) are the Japanese take on a no-tell motel. Although in true Japanese fashion, they can range from perfunctory/outdated box rooms with a bed, to all-out, indulgent apartment-size spaces. While many might stumble upon luxury love hotels in Tokyo during a particularly romantic date, some plan entire dates around visiting one.

To set the mood, you need to choose carefully. Generally speaking, cost performance and availability are vital considerations, but factors such as whether the room has an open-air bath are also points to consider. If you’re looking for unique stays, then please check out this article for 10 love hotels to suit every taste.

Whether you plan on visiting by the hour, a few hour-long stay (宿泊, shukuhaku), or an overnight rest (休憩, kyukei), if you want to enjoy an intimate moment in luxury, the following five love hotels in Tokyo offer just that.

1. Hotel X

Located a five-minute walk from Ikebukuro Station, Hotel X is somewhat pricey. Still, thanks to a recent renovation, it is now known for its over-the-top retro-luxury style. With complete privacy guaranteed, this downtown hotel also has three suites with open-air baths. Their regular baths also come with a wide variety of amenities, so if you want to focus on soaking in style, Hotel X may be your best option.

Number of rooms: 21; Three suites with open-air baths
Address: 1-3-16 Ikebukuro, Toshima, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

2. Hotel Bamboo Garden

Hotel Bamboo Garden is the epitome of modern Japanese elegance. The rooms are sleekly designed, come with welcome drinks in the room, platters of fruit (inquire at the desk/while making your reservation) and have a bar menu that rivals some actual bars.

Their most popular branch, Hotel Bamboo Garden Kinshicho, is located a five-minute walk from Kinshicho Station on the JR Chuo/Sobu and Tokyo Metro Hanzomon lines. Room 901 at this hotel also offers a balcony barbecue service, so if you’d like to have a private cookout while gazing at Tokyo SkyTree, this is your best option.

Number of rooms: Varies by location, including terrace suites.
Address: 4-14-1 Kotobashi, Sumida, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

3. Hotel Sara Grande Gotanda

Reopened in May 2022, Hotel Sara Grande Gotanda combines both luxury and uniqueness. Every single one of their rooms is different; some are “standard” hotel rooms, but the vast majority are based around a theme such as camping, clubbing, a doctor’s office or even a ninja’s hideaway. It can be found a five-minute walk from Gotanda Station or a two-minute walk from JR Meguro Station.

Number of rooms: 50
Address: 1-20-3 Higashi Gotanda, Shinagawa, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

4. Koyado Hotel

The smallest hotel on this list, Koyado Hotel, has only eight rooms total, but each is simple and stylish. Inspired by nature, the rooms feature sustainable wood and stone designs and are equipped with Tempur reclining beds. The only downside to these rooms is that, although they have showers, they do not have bathtubs. Hotel Koyado is located 30 seconds from the north exit of JR Uguisudani Station on the third floor of the K1 Building. On the first floor is a Smile drug store.

Number of rooms: 8
Address: K1 Building 3F, 1-8-3 Negishi, Taito, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

5. Designer’s Hotel & Spa Pasha Resort

Located a six-minute walk from the east exit of JR Shinjuku Station, Designer’s Hotel & Spa Pasha Resort features modern, elegant and somehow edgy at the same time suite rooms. While it varies by room, each comes with drink services, specialty baths (including rock baths, en suite saunas and mist/rain showers.

Their selection of amenities is very popular with women, according to their customer reviews and apparently, Pasha Resort welcomes party reservations as well.

Number of rooms: 30
Address: 2-27-4 Kabukicho, Shinjuku, Tokyo (Google Map Link)

Please note that, while these love hotels are known for their luxury rooms, those rooms are limited in number, cost more than their standard rooms and book up very quickly during peak times.

If you hope to stay in one of the luxury love hotels in Tokyo mentioned above, or a particular room, it’s best to book online in advance.

Letters from Japan: ‘Co-Sleeping & Sexless Marriages’

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 04 Oct 2025 23:00:00 +0000

Hi Hilary—Wouldn’t Co-Sleeping Make Sexless Marriages Worse?

I’m an American woman in Japan. I saw this on Reddit and was wondering: why do Japanese people insist on co-sleeping with their kids? Like I’ve seen entire families sharing a bedroom in movies and TV shows. I heard of other people sharing a futon with their kids instead of their spouse until the child is nearly in middle school. Sexless marriages are already such a huge thing in Japan; doesn’t that make it worse?

—Why Japanese People

Why Japanese People,

I’ve wondered about this myself for years, but never really researched it until now. I’ve never heard of anyone sharing a futon with their kids until middle school, but I’ll take your word for it that it exists. I think that is an entirely different issue than co-sleeping, however.

Co-sleeping overseas is a hot topic for parenting groups, doctors and so on. In Japan, as many as 70% of Japanese infants and toddlers co-sleep with their parents. It’s been a tradition in Japan for as long as anyone can tell. Some studies have indicated that Japan’s overall low Sudden Unexplained Infant Death (SUID) rate is related to co-sleeping, although this is up for debate.

Soine (co-sleeping) is traditionally done in kawa no ji, or the shape of “川” (the character for river): mother on one side, baby in the middle, father on the other side. It’s meant to promote feelings of security and contentment between the mother and child, and hopefully the father as well.

Most younger families start out in very small apartments where you might only have one bedroom for everyone. If there are two bedrooms, sometimes the mother moves into the baby’s room to keep an eye on them through the night and to prevent disturbances from disrupting the father’s sleep.

Co-sleeping is also considered a good option in case of emergencies, such as earthquakes. Some parents I know found that they went back to sleeping as a family in the post 3/11 years because they were worried about their kids’ safety. Others found it was better to co-sleep as a family because it helped to keep everyone’s anxiety down.

“We pretended we were camping or would watch movies together as a way to unwind at the end of the day.” (American woman, 30s)

However, as you pointed out, having the entire family sleep in the same room is a good way of ensuring that mom and dad do not create new siblings for the infant. Or is it?

Apparently not.

“I don’t think it has any correlation.” (Japanese man, 30s)

Within the Japanese-only and mixed ethnicity couples I spoke to, the vast majority of them pointed out that they have showers, cars and love hotels in order to meet their needs.

“It’s more about planning to have sex and making it a priority instead of a thing that just happens.” (Australian woman, 30s)

“Taking my wife to a love hotel reminded us about our dating lives. I think that’s how we ended up with five kids.” (Japanese man, 40s)

“If you’re in a sexless relationship, it’s not the kids or co-sleeping that caused it” (American woman, 40s).

“Even without kids, some people just stop being interested in sex at a certain point. It’s up to the couple to figure it out.” (Japanese woman, 30s)

There are dozens of reasons that marriages can turn sexless.

Immediately after pregnancy, most women struggle with pain, hormone fluctuations, body image, childcare and scores of other issues that may make having any intimacy uncomfortable, if not a source of stress.

Men, too, can experience hormone changes and stress that may make them less inclined to be interested in sex. Those struggles don’t get better once the pregnancy ends. If the couple isn’t in sync regarding parenting and a number of other points, sex is typically the first thing to go.

Co-Sleeping ≠ Sexless Marriages?

Older generations and people coming from traditional backgrounds have claimed that when a wife becomes a mother, she no longer has any interest in sex or that motherhood has made her no longer someone to have sex with.

This has been used as an excuse for extra-marital affairs for generations. However, it does not seem to be working with younger people.

“If all you wanted was sex, why bother marrying someone and having kids with them? That’s just dumb.” (Japanese man, 20s)

Younger generations, in general, do not have children, but those who do and have co-slept with their kids don’t see co-sleeping as a barrier between the couple.

“We’d whisper to each other over the baby while they sleep, and sometimes we’d go to the other room to be together.” (Japanese man, 30s)

Even couples who married much later and had children later don’t see co-sleeping as a barrier to intimacy.

“It was a struggle and we went sexless for a while, but we talked about it and when we were both in a better place, it was like our honeymoon all over again.” (Japanese woman, 50s)

Co-sleeping might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and turns a relationship sexless, but it’s not the only reason. Generally speaking, a lack of communication and effort by one or both parties brings a couple to that state.

There is no one perfect solution to the issue. Just as there are scores of factors that can cause a couple to end up sexless, it’s not co-sleeping that causes it.

Got a question you’d like to ask Hilary? Email it to askhilary@savvytokyo.com with the subject “Ask Hilary.”

Getting The Birth Control (Oral Contraceptive) Pill in Japan

Margot Curtis — Fri, 05 Sep 2025 23:00:00 +0000

The birth control pill in Japan is known as keikou-hinin-yaku (経口避妊薬) but more commonly referred to as “piru” (ピル). They were only legalized in 1999, four decades after they became available in the West. Japan was, in fact, the last U.N. member to approve the drug, and this delay has had a knock-on effect on its popularity even today.

But in reality, it remains a relatively cheap, effective and increasingly accessible method of birth control that you can get with a little effort.

Why The Pill Obsession?

The pill became available in the 1960s and symbolized liberation for Western women at a time when abortion was still largely illegal due to religious taboos. For many of us, that era came with awkward high school health classes and learning how to put condoms on bananas—cringe-worthy, yes, but also part of the reason contraceptive choice feels more familiar in the West than in Japan.

Here, the picture is different. Condoms still dominate the scene, along with withdrawal, temperature-tracking and the rhythm method. For some, the hesitation around the pill comes from fear of side effects or a simple lack of information—sex education in Japan still doesn’t widely emphasize female contraceptive choices.

Abortion is legal if you become pregnant, but unlike many other countries, you cannot arrange it alone unless the partner is unknown. Married or partnered women must have their partner’s written consent, and procedures are usually more expensive than back home.

How Do I Get The Pill in Japan?

The process is relatively straightforward: visit a gynecologist, have a consultation (often including a blood test on your first visit), and get a prescription. A month’s supply usually costs around ¥3,000, depending on the brand and your doctor. My gynecologist was incredibly helpful and friendly, but others may still be conservative about prescribing it, so experiences vary. Overall, access has been steadily improving.

One important note: National Health Insurance (NHI) does not cover the pill. However, if you ask your doctor to prescribe you a pill you were already taking overseas, depending on the brand, there may be options for a pill that is covered by the NHI.

What Types Of Pills Are Available?

Japan offers a selection of low-hormone combined oral contraceptives (estrogen + progestin). These come in both monophasic (same dose throughout the cycle) and multiphasic (varying doses) types.

Monophasic pills: Marvelon (マーべロン), Ortho M-21 (オーソM-21), Yaz (ヤーズ)
Multiphasic pills: Triquilar (トリキュラー), Ange (アンジュ), Synphase (シンフエーズ), Ortho 777 (オーソ７７７)

As of June 2025, Japan has finally approved its first mini-pill: Slinda 28 (スリンダ), a progestin-only oral contraceptive. Now available nationwide by prescription, it offers a safe option for women who cannot take estrogen or who prefer a lower-hormone choice.

Emergency Contraception (The Morning-After Pill)

Until recently, getting the morning-after pill in Japan required a prescription, which meant calling ahead to clinics (not all stocked with it) and making an appointment. This was a significant barrier, considering that effectiveness is highest within 24 hours.

For the first time, Japan will allow over-the-counter sales of the emergency contraceptive pill. NorLevo (ノルレボ錠 1.5mg) will be available directly at pharmacies under the supervision of a pharmacist. There will be no age limit and no need for parental consent; however, expect to pay anywhere between ¥7,000 and ¥10,000 per pill.

This follows nationwide trials where more than 80% of participants supported making emergency contraception prescription-free. While official rollout is expected later in the spring of 2026, the shift marks a historic change in reproductive healthcare here.

For now, if you need it before the rollout, you’ll still need to call a clinic and ask for the kinkyū-hinin-hō (緊急避妊法), or mo-ningu afutaa piru (モーニングアフターピル).

Find an English-speaking women’s clinic in Tokyo.

Japan still has a way to go when it comes to women’s health, but things are changing—albeit slowly. The upcoming launch of over-the-counter emergency contraception and the arrival of mini pills are significant steps toward broader choice.

Never forget: the birth control pill (regular or emergency) does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Condoms are still the only protection for that. Stay safe, stay informed, and let’s keep the conversation going!

For other contraceptive options, don’t forget to check our full article about contraception in Japan.

This article has been updated with the latest information for 2025.

Letters From Japan: ‘Kink Shaming Boyfriend’

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 26 Jul 2025 23:00:00 +0000

Hi Hilary—I have a kink shaming boyfriend,

I read an article you wrote before about kink, and I wanted to get your perspective on my problem with my Japanese boyfriend. He’s very vanilla in bed, which I respect, but it’s not for me all the time. I’m into bondage (as a domme), and until we started dating, it was a big part of my sex life.

He said he was into kink, but when I try to talk to him about what his and my fantasies are, he shuts down completely. Or worse, he gets rude. He said my likes make me “not wife material.”

We had a stupid fight a few days ago and it’s making me reconsider the relationship. I was looking for a new leather belt for work, one I could wear over dresses. He flipped out when he saw what I was looking at, said I was sick for buying that sh** in front of him, and stormed out of my place. It was literally just an Amazon tab with a standard black fashion belt.

We haven’t seen each other in person since, and I’m kind of over this whole pretending to be vanilla thing. Should I try to be more understanding, or is this just how Japanese men are?

—Kink Shamed

Dear Kink Shamed,

The article you are talking about from the Ask Hilary series is “Unhealthy Relationship.” In that situation, the letter writer sustained injuries during non-consensual knife play at the hands of her partner. She was not into kink of any sort and ultimately had to take drastic measures in order to leave the situation safely.

Fortunately, that isn’t the case for you. You openly enjoy bondage and are comfortable with your identity as a domme—and that’s awesome! More people should be understanding and aware of their own kinks. As a friend of mine once said: “Why bother getting down if you don’t know what’ll really get you off?“

As with everywhere else in the world, Japanese people encompass a wide range of attitudes toward sexual openness, so to speak.

There are asexual/aromantic Japanese people, just as there are those who live in 24/7 BDSM lifestyles with multiple partners. It really depends on the person and (except in rare cases) isn’t something most people feel comfortable speaking about until the relationship has progressed to a certain extent.

One Japanese couple I know had been together for three years before they actually opened up to one another about a mutual kink, and now they engage in that lifestyle almost exclusively. From speaking to them and others who have embraced their kinks, it’s more of a matter of building a high degree of mutual trust than it is a fear of sharing what turns them on.

While communication is definitely a part of it, there may be a lack of trust in your relationship that’s keeping him from openly sharing his interests. People are allowed to like or dislike different acts and behaviors in the bedroom. In a relationship built on mutual trust, they have faith that their partner won’t do anything to truly hurt them or force them to do something that they don’t want to do.

Given the various safety and health concerns that some forms of kink include, absolute trust in your partner is vital and not likely something that can happen in a few months or even a year of a relationship.

It can also be hard to find a serious partner with whom you can engage in that kind of relationship. Most users of mainstream Japanese dating websites and apps don’t tend to mention it—period.

Sure, you might find a few people that will put key terms like ドＳ (dom/domme) or ドＭ (sub/little) in their profiles, however, what one person deems dominant could be seen as barely above vanilla by another, so even these terms can be hard to sort out without some deeper discussion and trust-building first.

“The way people react [to those terms] makes you feel like some kind of criminal, like you’re going to abuse and ruin a potential partner’s life” (Japanese man, 40s).

“You get freaks messaging you about how they’ll force you to do XYZ, or else” (Japanese woman, 30s).

“People throw around words like ‘slut’ and ‘hentai’ [pervert] if you so much as show a bra strap in a photo—it’s ridiculous” (Japanese woman, 20s).

While this could be a language issue, I get the impression it has more to do with him not being prepared to share that side of himself. He might have a vague idea or even an extensive playlist of porn that clearly shows what he likes. However, he’s not comfortable enough—either with himself or with you—to put that into words. Further, when asked, he lashes out. He’s being exceedingly immature and rude, regardless of his reasons for not sharing.

One of the larger red flags in your message is his saying you’re not “wife material” because you’re sexually adventurous/a domme. That tells me that, probably on a deeper level than even he is aware of, his image of a wife is someone who is either completely submissive or is “proper” in the eyes of society.

He might hope that he can turn you back into a non-kink interested person by not engaging in any kink-related discussions. In which case, you need to consider whether you’re willing to lose that side of yourself for him. If not, then you need to let him know.

Essentially, there are two options available to you:

Sit Down & Discuss

Try to have a discussion with your boyfriend about what his kinks are, and see if those can line up with yours. This will mean putting some pressure on him to actually address the topic instead of lashing out or shaming you. Given his reaction to that belt experience, however, it seems like too much of a hot-button issue for either of you to approach. You could let things quiet down for a few days and then try to discuss them, but be aware that he could blow up again or continue to insult you no matter what.

His reactions aren’t your fault. If he isn’t capable of having a mature discussion about his own sexuality or sexual likes and dislikes, that’s on him. If that is the case, then you have your answer. It might not be a pretty situation, but it could be better in the long term for both of you.

Move On

If you’re already reconsidering the relationship, you could just cut your losses and move on without having that discussion. He’s already avoided seeing you for a few days, and I assume you haven’t been texting that often either, so if you’re truly ready to move on, this is the time to do it.

He is perfectly welcome to his own opinions and disinterest in participating in your kink. Still, if he’s berating you and equates buying a leather belt for work with wearing bondage gear, then there might not be much point in staying with him. Go out and find someone who’s into your fabulous domme self. Good luck!

Got a question you’d like to ask Hilary? Email it to askhilary@savvytokyo.com with the subject “Ask Hilary.”

From ‘Carnivore’ To ‘Herbivore’: 5+ Types Of Men You’ll Meet in Japan

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 19 Jul 2025 23:00:00 +0000

In the past, I’ve covered the eight types of men you’ll meet on dating apps in Japan. This time, we head offline to discover an even broader spectrum of guys—men you might encounter in the Japanese dating landscape. Typical for Japan, these types of men have been labeled under some category over the years, depending on their characteristics. In this article, I take a look at those trends, introducing the five most common types of men (and their sub-trends) you’re likely to meet in Japan. Know the signs before it’s too late!

1. Nikushoku-kei: The “Hunter”

肉食系男子 (Nikushoku-kei danshi; “carnivore man”) is a term that refers to a man who is traditionally “masculine” in nature. He may also be described as:

A flirt
Sexually driven
Very confident
A “hunter” by nature

He usually has quite the experience with the ladies and knows how to sweet-talk someone. However, he is also considered likely to cheat, be emotionally unavailable and not be able to have a steady or serious relationship.

Within this type, you’re likely to meet guys who consider themselves to be:

がっしり系 (gasshiri-kei; “well-muscled or stocky body types”)
細マッチョ (hosomacho-kei; “thin but well-muscled body types”)

Men who work in high-powered, aggressive fields such as construction, sales and PR, for example, often consider themselves nikushoku men. They can be fun to date, and not all of them are cheaters. However, because they tend to work in very driven industries, you might not get to see them that often. If you’re looking for someone to see on a regular basis, you might want to steer clear of nikushoku-kei men.

2. Soshoku-kei: The Reserved Type

This term was coined back in 2006 when I arrived in Japan. I can vividly recall hearing it on TV for years afterward. Essentially, 草食系男子 (soshoku-kei danshi; “herbivore man”) refers to men who are generally quiet, not very experienced and lack an “aggressive manliness.” This category is now considered to be one of the widest in Japan simply because there are so many different ways in which they can present themselves.

Some subtrends are:

ネット弁慶系 (nettobenkei-kei; “guys obsessed with the internet and social media”)
サブカル系 (sabukaru-kei; “obsessed with some form of subculture”)
オタク系 (otaku-kei; “extreme fans of anime or manga”)

Generally speaking, soshoku-kei men like to do indoor activities. They are big foodies or really into sweets, not all that interested in fashion or going out and spending money in general. They will also most likely still live at home, simply because it’s the easiest option for them.

Although they don’t have problems relating to or interacting with women, they are often not actively pursuing a relationship. Yet, due to their quiet nature, many women believe they are less likely to cheat and cause drama. They are also often the preferred “marriage material” type in Japan.

These types of men can be great friends and good people with whom to explore new bars or restaurants. However, if you’re looking for an adventure and like to have regular relationship sparks, you may find this type boring.

3. Combined Types: Chicken, Fish & Soy Milk

After the above two types were first discussed, it wasn’t long before other combinations came out. In 2011-2013, three new kinds of guys became the talk of the town (these men are a combination of nikushoku-kei and soshoku-kei):

魚食系 (Uoshoku-kei; “Fish Type”)

Uoshoku-kei like to leave things to instinct and will approach someone when they feel the time is right (like a fish seizing bait). They might be your friend for a while and then suddenly confess their love for you, seemingly out of the blue.

鶏肉系 (Keiniku-kei; “Chicken Type”)

Keiniku-kei are slightly calmer and steadier in their approach, but they can be aggressive pursuers (just watch a chicken feeding video on YouTube, and it’ll make more sense). These guys act very casually and are a lot of fun to hang out with, and then they might try to sweep you off your feet on a special occasion.

豆乳系 (Tonyu-kei; “Soy Milk Type”)

Tonyu-kei are men who tend to act somewhat feminine (using beauty treatments, dieting, taking more care of their appearance than other men might) to attract women to them. They tend to be very fashionable and like fashionable women. Some might even come across as gay to casual observers, but these guys are very much interested in being part of a “beautiful heterosexual couple.”

4. Danjiki-kei: “Fasting” Men

断食系 (Danjiki-kei; “fasting men”) are men who, while likely to date someone, aren’t all that interested in a physical relationship with them. This term came about in 2013, and basically means a guy that may have a girlfriend, but also goes out and spends time with his friends, has his own hobbies, and otherwise is quite content to do things on his own. In general, they aren’t that bothered with the standard course of dating someone or may not even be all that interested in the physical side of a relationship.

絶食系 (Zesshoku-kei; “extreme fasting men”) is an even deeper form of fasting men. The term came about in late 2016, early 2017, on social media. What the term basically means is that these guys are so uninterested in the opposite sex that they can’t even name a female celebrity that they like. Some may consider themselves to be asexual or aromantic.

This isn’t to say that you can’t date a fasting man—you just have to act like you have no interest whatsoever in him in terms of a relationship. Go in with zero expectations of him doing anything romantic or direct towards you.

Every now and then, they might (heavy emphasis on might!) ask you out on a more standard date, especially if you appeal to them in some regard. Just keep in mind that you’re more likely to be waiting for an eternity if you straight out expect romance.

5. Inu-kei: The “Will Boyfriend”

In mid-2015, the ウイル彼 (uiru kare; “Will Boyfriend”) came onto the scene. A Will Boyfriend is a guy that you like to spend time with and could potentially date in the future, but isn’t your boyfriend. Sounds confusing, doesn’t it? Basically, this is the Japanese version of the friend zone. A Will Boyfriend, however, has a better chance of escaping the friend zone as long as he doesn’t suddenly change his behavior or try to push a relationship on the lady in question.

This type overlaps with what other publications call the 犬系 (inu-kei; “dog type”) because he is loyal, trustworthy, friendly, will follow your lead and is overjoyed at any show of affection.

Will Boyfriends tend to also be within the chicken or fish subtype. They can technically belong to any of the categories mentioned, but it all comes down to how you act around him. It also depends on how you feel about him and whether or not he’s someone you’re interested in.

The only problem with a Will Boyfriend is that, if he’s good enough to be a Will Boyfriend to you, then someone else might think he’s good enough to make a serious boyfriend.

Bonus: The Unexpected Types

As a bonus, two of my favorite terms that have been used to describe a type of Japanese man are:

アスパラベーコン巻き系 (asupara bekon-maki kei; “asparagus wrapped in bacon type”)
ロールキャベツ系 (ro-ru kyabetsu-kei; “meat rolled in cabbage type”)

They basically mean a guy who looks like a nikushoku-kei, but when you get to know him better, turns out to be a soshoku-kei, and vice versa. I think those are the two types I go for, or at least the types I attract.

How about you—who do you prefer out of these different types of men in Japan?

10 Tokyo Love Hotel Recommendations: To Suit Every Taste

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 17 May 2025 23:00:00 +0000

What do you do if you’ve found somebody special, or maybe just a sefure (sex friend), but aren’t really digging the thought of bringing them back to your tiny apartment? Are you in need of a spicy adventure in your love life or on the lookout for a really special Staycation? Head over to one of the following Tokyo love hotel (ラブホテル) recommendations, of course!

What’s A Love Hotel Again?

A love hotel in Japan is basically a facility that offers short stays, by the hour or for one night only. A rest or short stay can range from two to four hours and cost between ¥2,900 and ¥7,000, depending on the date, hotel, and room type. On the other hand, a stay or overnight can cost anywhere from ¥3,900 to well over ¥20,000. These prices are, of course, all before tax and don’t include any room service, extra amenities or costume rentals.

To learn more about the history and services offered by Love Hotels, check out my guide, Japan’s Love Hotels: What You Need To Know Before You Go.

What Should I Be Looking For?

Cost performance and availability are the two most important factors to keep in mind when choosing a love hotel.

Cost performance is obviously key—you want to get the most bang for your buck (pun fully intended). Cheaper isn’t always better, just as the most expensive love hotels aren’t always the most enjoyable either. Look for a hotel that offers the right kind of amenities for your needs, and you’ll find one with your perfect cost performance in no time.

Availability is also very important—the most popular hotels book up fast on Christmas, Valentine’s Day and White Day, and long weekends.

How To Book A Love Hotel

To find love hotels around you in English, check out the listings on Booking.com under the category Love Hotels—the mention of Adult Only usually indicates them. Be aware, though, that there is a limited selection, and it might not be possible to book the room you want at the time.

If you’d rather search in Japanese, two of the best and least biased sites are Couples and Happy Hotel. You can also search for love hotels across Japan, which is very helpful if you’re traveling and suddenly need a place to spend the night.

Here are 10 of Japan’s best love hotels in the Tokyo area. I’ve divided them into two groups:

Vanilla Love Hotels which are safe, straightforward hotels for beginners.
Adventurous Love Hotels for those looking for a more exotic, more fashionable or downright kinky experience.

Vanilla Love Hotels

1. All-Inn G

Located just a three-minute walk from Otsuka Station, All-Inn G is a very reasonable, stylish and easily affordable love hotel. Because of its understated nature, it’s often mistaken for a business hotel at first, but the rooms are comfortable and come with just the right amount of amenities for a first-time love hotel guest.

Price: Short stays cost as little as ¥3,300, and all nights go for about ¥6,500.
Address: 2-43-4 Minami Otsuka, Toshima, Tokyo

2. Meguro Emperor

Built in 1973, Meguro Emperor is one of Japan’s few remaining original love hotels. When it first opened, it was famed for its wild room themes and revolving beds, but now it has a more luxurious yet comfortable feel. Plus, some of the rooms come equipped with open-air baths, which gives the Meguro Emperor a very vacation air, too.

Price: Room rates range from ¥6,500 for super short stays and up to ¥26,500 for all night, depending on the room.
Address: 2-1-6 Shimo Meguro, Meguro, Tokyo

3. Hotel Mju

While Hotel Mju (Hotel μ) is rather retro-chic and the rooms aren’t as spacious as those in other hotels, this Asakusa love hotel offers one thing no one else can.

All rooms ending with either a two or a four offer stunning views of Tokyo Sky Tree across the Sumida River. Those on the sixth floor are especially highly recommended for their views.

Price: Short stays start from ¥3,900, while overnight rates range from ¥7,400-¥10,800.
Address: 2-14-2 Hanakawado, Taito, Tokyo

4. Hotel Colore

Although slightly off the beaten path in Kinshicho, Hotel Colore is a very modern, very colorful love hotel that is highly ranked among fans. Each room has its own color palette, free drinks and a snack corner. Upon booking your room, you’ll be offered a complimentary carafe of wine and snacks to take up to your room.

Price: Short rests cost only ¥4,500, while, depending on the room, stays range from ¥7,800-¥9,800.
Address: 4-8-6 Kotobashi, Sumida, Tokyo

5. Hotel Kahni

Located right by Uguisudani Station, Hotel Kahni is a very convenient love hotel for sightseers. The exterior design is quite old school (retro-chic to some). Every room is different, and all feature black/rainbow lighting under the bed or table. Some of the pricier suites have a gothic edge that fans of that genre are sure to enjoy.

Price: Short rests cost only ¥3,500, while, depending on the room, stays range from ¥4,400-¥6,700.
Address: 2-14-7 Negishi, Taito, Tokyo

Adventurous Love Hotel

1. Hotel Zebra

Though the name suggests it is monochromatic, Hotel Zebra is anything but. Lisa Frank lovers will adore the exterior of this colorful love hotel. Each room is somewhat less brilliantly colored but comes complete with a karaoke machine, a jet bath with adjustable rainbow lights and a complimentary bottle of champagne.

Rental options include love hotel standards plus board games, so this hotel is also a popular after-party spot. You can also book rooms in advance for joshikai (女子会 ladies’ nights) if you’re looking for that instead.

Price: Room rates range from short stays from ¥4,800 and overnights ranging from ¥7,800 to ¥14,500, depending on the suite and amenities chosen.
Address: 1-37-1 Higashi Ikebukuro, Toshima, Tokyo

2. Beat Wave

Beat Wave is located on Shibuya’s famous “Love Hotel Hill” in Dogenzaka. Originally a music-themed hotel, their rooms are now based on ultra-modern interiors with luxurious designs—the majority of the rooms come with massive screen TVs and are fully decorated. They also have an amenities bar with brand-name shampoos and other products, plus a free non-alcoholic drink and snack bar in the lobby as well.

What makes this hotel especially popular is its appeal to the influencer crowd—each suite looks like the kind of home you would want to show off on your social media, and the hotel prides itself on being a stylish but homey experience.

Price: Short stays start from ¥5,800, while overnights range from ¥9,680-¥15,500.
Address: 2-9 Maruyamacho, Shibuya, Tokyo

3. Hotel Balian Resort Shinjuku Island & Higashi Shinjuku

Slightly cheating here, as these are two separate hotels run by the same chain, but in a nutshell, any time you see “Hotel Bali An Resort” you are in for an amazing hotel experience.

The Hotel Bali An Resort Shinjuku Island and Hotel Bali An Resort Higashi Shinjuku have consistently been ranked within the top three love hotels not only in Tokyo but in Kanto for the last five or so years. With good reason—they put more effort into the guest experience than some luxury hotels do. The rooms are spacious, beautifully decorated with a Bali resort theme, come with plenty of amenities and excellent room service—and are very well priced for all that they offer.

Price: Shinjuku Island runs from ¥7,300-¥32,800, while Higashi Shinjuku goes for ¥7,300-¥34,800, depending on the length of stay, room type and day of the week.
Address: Hotel Bali An Resort Shinjuku Island: 2-22-10 Kabukicho, Shinjuku, Tokyo. Hotel Bali An Resort Higashi Shinjuku: 2-19-17 Kabukicho, Shinjuku, Tokyo.

4. Hotel Papion

Though the styles are different, Hotel Papion pays as much attention to its decor as the Balian hotels mentioned above. Located in Nishi Nippori, this hotel is very spacious and relatively well-known for being different.

Each room is unique—false windows with images of famous night views adorn many of them. Other special features of certain rooms are grand pianos (playable, of course), a classic car queen-sized bed, roulette and slot machines, a fountain and even a candy-themed room.

Price: Short stays range from ¥4,180 to ¥11,000, and overnights run ¥8,580 to ¥26,400, depending on the room and day of the week.
Address: 5-15-5 Nishi Nippori, Arakawa, Tokyo

5. Hotel Alpha-In

This hotel is not for the faint of heart or those without a healthy interest in BDSM. If you need to google what BDSM means, this is not the love hotel you’re looking for.

Hotel Alpha-In is a hotel exclusively designed for S&M purposes. Each room comes equipped with free-to-use whips, collars, ball gags, clothespins, feather dusters and blindfolds, while others include suspension setups, X or T-shaped bondage frames, S&M chairs, and other such themed items. You can also purchase other items (candles, rope, etc.) or rent costumes from their in-house store as well.

Because of the nature of the activities taking place in their rooms, they are far more fastidious about clean-up than usual at this time. Hence, the turnaround and availability of the spaces differ significantly. The rates are also more expensive than the others on this list.

Price: Depending on the room, short stays range from ¥9,820 to ¥18,950, while overnight stays range from ¥16,670 to ¥36,480.
Address: 2-8-3 Higashi Azabu, Minato, Tokyo

There you have it—10 of Japan’s best vanilla and adventurous Tokyo love hotel recommendations. Just remember to be safe and have fun!

Sefure: ‘Sex Friend’ Aka Friends With Benefits in Japan

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 10 May 2025 23:00:00 +0000

People have needs. Sometimes, taking care of things on your own is enough, and there are plenty of self-pleasure toys and videos to help you in that regard. If you’d rather have a partner to help you cross the finish line, then there are a few things you should know about sefure or sex friend in Japan.

What Is A Sefure?

Sefure (セフレ) is the abbreviation of the Japanese-English expression セックスフレンド (sekkusu furendo; “sex friend”). It’s the slang term for a sexual relationship between two consenting adults strictly for sexual pleasure, also known in English as a “friend with benefits” (FWB) or the more casual, “f-buddy.”

This is not to be confused with the term ペフレ (pefure; “petting friend”), who is someone you only make out with; as in, no penetrative sex. This may or may not preclude oral sex as well, although whether oral counts varies from person to person.

According to surveys in AnAn and other magazines, roughly 85 percent of Japanese men and 73 percent of Japanese women (between the ages of 24 and 59) have engaged in purely physical relationships. Roughly 30 percent of men already in relationships have a sefure, while about 20 percent of women do, and the numbers are relatively similar among same-sex and opposite-gendered relationships.

Sefure Versus FWB

A sefure or a FWB is someone with whom you have a purely physical relationship, without any indication or even implication of emotional connection. There is no public relationship, no dating (aside from meeting up at a love hotel), and most importantly, no emotional bond.

A FWB, however, is often deemed a midway point between friendship and dating, and it can be both a step towards or a step away from a full romantic and physical relationship.

Typically, when it comes to FWB, the partners are single, in an open relationship, or polyamorous. Sefure, on the other hand, may be in long-term, committed relationships with other people or even be married.

Cultural Perceptions

Sex itself is something both private and public, but in cultural terms, the general perception is that sefure are a necessary evil—for men. For women, “it’s an unnatural thing. People still think that women can’t want sex, it’s wrong for them to be sexual if it’s not for a man’s gain” (Japanese woman, 41).

While this point of view is changing, it’s still considered taboo enough that in popular media, anyone with a sefure usually ends up in a “real relationship” with that partner, or suffers the consequences for their actions. “Which is a terrible thing to do in a country where no one wants to date” (Japanese businessman, 32).

Gender Discrepancies

Casual relationships have their own appeal, but as with any subject matter, a person’s official stance and their personal feelings on the subject are often two very different things.

According to Matching Queen, the reasons why someone wants a sefure are numerous, but appear to vary widely by gender. Men are perceived as wanting sefure because their main partner has no/low libido or the man has a higher than average libido that one partner can’t satisfy. Women may do it because of their libido, to alleviate loneliness, to get revenge on a cheating partner, or because they wish to have a child without being in a relationship.

Merits & Demerits of Sefure

Positively speaking, sefure serve a number of functions. They’re a way of improving your bedroom skills or exploring your sexuality/kinks. A sefure is also a safe outlet for physical desires without requiring commitment.

The downsides include the obvious risk of disease if your partner is seeing others or having unprotected sex with multiple people, as well as an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. Beyond those two main demerits, the chances of having mismatched expectations of one another or “catching feelings” for your sefure are high.

One other big, potential con is that, if you are in a non-sefure relationship but ‘caught’ with a sefure, the social stigma could cost you greatly. Whether you know your partner is married or in a relationship or not, you will be held just as accountable.

There are other reasons as well, although whether they’re positive or negative points depends on the individual. With a sefure, you don’t need to celebrate anniversaries or holidays, there is no expectation of gift-giving or paying for a date (unless you exclusively meet at hotels), and if you find you aren’t compatible, you can easily break things off.

Finding A Sefure In Japan

It’s not all that difficult to find someone for a purely physical relationship. “It’s as easy as walking down the street, especially if you’re remotely attractive” (Australian woman, 43).

That being said, picking someone up on the road or in a club isn’t exactly discreet or safe. You can meet people online or in discrete communities, too, though again, meeting up with strangers online is risky. Dating apps are a good way of finding relationships of all kinds, but again, how you go about vetting a potential partner matters most of all.

Non-Japanese Challenges With Sefure

As a non-Japanese person, miscommunications and cultural misunderstandings are a major issue. Sefure relationships sometimes follow a weekly scheduled sexual appointment. This may come across as cold to some foreigners, while Japanese partners can sometimes find that their foreign partner expects too much. “She treated it like a mini relationship when I told her it was sex and sex only. She wanted to talk about ‘us’ all the time” (Japanese man, 26).

One major area of concern for both partners is being exoticized or stereotyped. “I met this woman who was obsessed with J-idol guys and wanted me to be one for her. No thanks” (Japanese man, 29). “I stopped dating because I was so sick of being compared to this white porn star I vaguely resemble” (American woman, 33).

General Rules To Keep In Mind

If you are considering finding a casual sex partner in Japan, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Practice Safe Sex

Get yourself tested regularly, make sure your partner gets tested and disclose any concerns or issues immediately. If you’re mature enough to have casual sex, then you should be mature enough to deal with the health risks that come with it.

Clarity & Communication Are Key

Before you fall into bed with anyone, make sure you know what you and they are after. Is it just sex? Is it a one-time thing, is it a casual and regular hook-up, or is it the start of a relationship? Figure this out so that you don’t end up hurting yourself or your partner. Never assume that the other person feels the same way you do.

Understand The Relationship

If this is a sefure relationship, do not treat it like a dating relationship. You aren’t dating and should not expect any degree of emotional support from your sefure. “Don’t expect good morning texts or flowers, you’re there to get off and that’s it” (Japanese woman, 45).

Expect Sudden Ends

The relationship can be ended at any time by either partner simply by ghosting them. “Just because I’ve slept with them a couple of times doesn’t mean I need them. If the sex gets boring, it’s time to move on” (American man, 29).

Sefure aren’t for everyone. Some people are capable of handling a purely physical relationship, some people can’t. Sometimes you don’t know until you try. Whatever happens, be safe and be honest with yourself and any potential partner.

A Foreign Girl’s Guide On How To Discuss Sex With Your Japanese Guy

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 01 Feb 2025 23:00:00 +0000

Sex is an essential topic that will—better sooner than later—come up in your romantic relationship. However, when it involves international couples, language and cultural barriers may make one (or both) of you uncomfortable at times. What language should you talk dirty in and how do you express your fantasies without turning each other down? Is it culturally okay to ask your guy for a stop by at a love hotel—or how the heck do you comfort your guy if he’s worried about his size? These are situations that many foreign women dating Japanese men may be going through. So, if you’re one of these women stuck on how to discuss these sorts of sex topics with your guy, this guide is for you!

1. What Language To Speak In The Bedroom

Thankfully, sex is a universal language that requires fewer words and more actions. However, you’ll still need to talk about it at some point. You may be wondering, what language is the best, especially if your Japanese isn’t perfect. If you’re worried about language issues, start by saying something vague like:

日本語では初めてだから… (nihongo de hajimete dakara; “I’ve never done this in Japanese before…”)

This will make your guy realize where you’re heading and will make him supportive—he may even offer to teach you how to talk dirty in Japanese.

These words are common and useful as a start:

立って (tatte; “stand up”)
座って (suwatte; “sit down“)
上で (ue de; “on top”)
バックで (bakku de; “from the back”)
手コキ (tekoki; “hand job”)
気持ちいい (kimochi ii; “it feels good”)
ちょっとやめて (chotto yamete; “stop for a minute”)

If you don’t feel comfortable using Japanese, however, there’s no need to—approach the matter in your own language. Your guy will most probably love it anyway!

2. Size Matters

This is a discussion that I have had more times than I care to remember over the course of my dating life in Japan. Just as with every other nationality on the planet, there are under, average and exceptionally endowed Japanese men. But the truth is, many Japanese men care about their sizes when it comes to sharing a bed with a foreign woman because oftentimes they think that we expect more. This can make them feel inferior and even shy about approaching the topic.

Anyone familiar with Sex and the City should remember Charlotte’s boyfriend, Mr. “Cat,” who was great at providing oral pleasures because he wasn’t confident in anything else. An Australian friend of mine was dating a similar Japanese man. While she appreciated his efforts, she wanted to change things up. She sat him down one night and explained what she was after, and he was able to confess that he’d heard Western women think Asian men are ill-equipped and didn’t want to disappoint her sexually. Honesty is what brought them together, and the two found a solution by switching positions in bed, which left both of them satisfied and assured.

So, how do I go about it?

The first time you get intimate with your Japanese man, regardless of his actual size, he might start apologizing, saying things like:

小さくてごめん (chiisakute gomen; “Sorry it’s so small”)
ガッカリしちゃった？(gakkari shichatta?; “Are you disappointed?”)

The more assured he feels, though, the better you both will feel. So find a subtle way to tell him that this isn’t a problem for you (if it really isn’t).

You can say something like:

ううん、大きい (uun, ookii; “No, it’s big”)
ちょうどいいサイズ (chodo ii saizu; “It’s the perfect size for me”)

The best answer to this depends on your relationship with your guy and the language you speak in bed, but reassuring him is always the best option.

3. Love Hotel Visits

In my early 20s, I gathered my fair share of love hotel point cards with my ex-boyfriend. We were young and broke, and neither of us was living alone. A visit to a love hotel was the only way we could spend quality time together. But even if you don’t have to rely on going to one, sometimes it can spice things up. So, a conversation of this kind is highly foreseeable.

If you’re feeling in the mood to head off with your partner to someplace more private, there are two ways to go about it.

You could go with the old classics with very clear implications:

まだ帰りたくない (mada kaeritakunai; “I don’t want to go home yet”)
今夜は一緒にいたい (konya wa issho ni itai; “I want to stay with you tonight”)

You could also use a very direct approach and go straight to the point by saying:

ラブホ行く？ (rabuho iku?; “Do you want to go to a love hotel?”)

And as a heads up, if some guy you barely know asks you vague questions like 今時間ある？ (ima jikan aru?; “Do you have some time?”), he is either trying to scout you for porn or trying to get you to a hotel for a quickie. Your best bet is to ignore them.

4. Feeling Or Not Feeling It

Unless your guy is extremely experienced and influenced by foreign cultures (or videos), you may find that they discuss intimate issues in bed directly far less frequently than Western men. This is largely culturally influenced, and perhaps also linguistically in the case of international couples.

One acquaintance in his 50s described this in the following way:

“Japanese men of my generation should apologize to women for being awful in bed. We never learned that sex was supposed to feel good for everyone involved; sex was for making babies or something your girlfriend or wife did to make you happy.” (Masa, 52, Japanese)

As such, many Japanese men are not entirely used to asking or are ready to hear about the female orgasm—especially in English. Again, honesty is key, so don’t be afraid to guide your guy whatever his fears and cultural background are.

Simple terms can help guide your man along. Try:

もっと強く (motto tsuyoku; “harder”)
もっと早く (motto hayaku; “faster”)
もっとゆっくり (motto yukkuri; “slower”)
もっと (motto; “more”)
そこ (soko; “there”)
やめないで (yamenaide; “don’t stop“)

Don’t be afraid to take the reigns—your man will surely make a quick study of it.

5. Cosplay, Toys & Lotions

Some people have different needs in the bedroom, others have fantasies or habits that they want to share with you. Others still might be in relationships that are completely sexually fulfilling but are looking for something new to try.

Whatever it is you’re into, there is a proper Japanese term to explain your needs—or understand your partner’s. Here are some popular sex-related terms:

コスプレ (kosupure; “cosplay”)
バイブレーター (baibureta; “vibrators“)
オイルマッサージ (oiru massaji; “oil massage”)
ローション (ro-shon; “lotion”)
縛り (shibari; “BDSM or rope play”)

While it can seem embarrassing having to explain what turns you on and off, it’s better to have that kind of discussion rather than walk into a room and see your guy wearing a leather suit.

To bring the topic up, start the conversation with phrases like:

…好き？ (…suki?; “do you like…?”)
…に興味ある？ (…ni kyoumi aru?; “are you interested in…?“)

The same goes for things you are not comfortable with. Help make your point straight with a simple:

それはちょっと… (sore wa chotto…; “not so much…”) followed with けど…が好き (kedo…ga suki; “but I like…”)

To sum it up, honest communication is key to a healthy sexual relationship and will help make things better for you both in the long run. Besides, an awkward discussion is far less frustrating than an awkward moment spent in bed, isn’t it?

We hope this article has given you some pointers on how to discuss sex with your Japanese guy. If you have any further questions, Savvy Tokyo’s resident “Love in Japan” columnist, Hilary Keyes, answers anonymous questions from readers. Email your question to askhilary@savvytokyo.com with the subject “Ask Hilary.”

OK, We Need To Talk About Porn For Women In Japan

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 04 Jan 2025 23:00:00 +0000

People all over the world have physical needs, and sometimes, the easiest means of taking care of those needs is by watching adult entertainment. Japan is no exception to that, although when it comes to entertainment for Japanese women, things are a little different. Brace yourselves: we are about to dive into the culture of porn for women in Japan.

What does JAV stand for?

JAV simply stands for Japanese adult videos. It is part of Japan’s wider pornography industry. This industry includes online content, books, magazines and various types of clubs. Currently, there are over 50,000 hits for “Japanese” alone on Pornhub. Additionally, there are numerous subtypes within that category.

Mosaic Japan

Mosaics are so representative of this genre that a Japanese drama was named after them: “Mosaic Japan”, 2014, available on Netflix

One of the most well-known aspects of JAV is the use of a mosaic filter to cover private parts. Until the mid-nineties, it was illegal to show pubic hair in lawfully produced porn of any type. After that, the law was reinterpreted to require blurring of all private parts during sexual contact—including oral, anal or vaginal intercourse.

The vast majority of AV produced in Japan are for male consumption. However, there’s been a growing trend towards movies for women in recent years.

As well they should. According to past surveys in Anan, 94% of Japanese women aged 18-40 “take time for themselves” from two to three times a week, and “sometimes more if their partner isn’t doing the job” (M, Japanese woman).

What Options Do Women Have?

Anan issue 2163, the annual sex health guide featuring Tanaka Kei on the cover

Sex sells—though how it’s used varies widely in Japan. On the one hand, men can easily walk into any convenience store or bookstore and find magazines with scantily clad real and anime women gazing back at them while finding the same materials for women can take some work.

The main impetus behind the women’s AV industry stemmed from Anan magazine, which releases an annual sexual health guide. These guides are packed with survey results on sex, love and romance, guides to improving techniques for male and female partners, and a free DVD of clips of recent, popular videos for women.

Of course, these editions fly off the shelves for another reason: their covers feature one of the currently trending Japanese talents in rather risque poses. Often, these photoshoots include a female partner; a 2019 edition even featured a Western female partner.

Other than Anan, anime and manga often heavily feature romance, sometimes including more racy scenes. However, these are subject to the same censorship laws as videos. Male celebrities occasionally strip down to very little for photo books or calendars. These items are usually sold first as fan club exclusives and later in bookstores. According to a friend working in a major book chain, though, they aren’t as popular as they once were.

So, Is There Female-Friendly Porn in Japan?

When it comes to watchable media, aside from what’s commonly available on sites like Pornhub, there are many companies producing female-friendly AV videos. The most well-known, and arguably the matriarch of this genre, is Silk Labo (NSFW). It’s a website produced by Soft on Demand, an adult video group also known for promoting STD awareness in Japan.

The project staff for all videos on Silk Labo—except for the male lead(s)—are female, according to their website, and their main focus is on sex from and for a woman’s perspective. They have several channels to choose from:

Silk: their original series which are like “slice of life” stories
Cocoon: softer/less sexual stories
Undress: more passionate/intense stories
Body Talk: more instructional aspects in their stories
Girl’s CH: an external site tie-up to the rest of the Soft on Demand brand. It features more so-called mainstream-style pornography

Another studio that has gained some recognition thanks to its inclusion in the Slutever Docuseries by Vice is La Coviluna (again, NSFW). La Coviluna is a company of all women. It tends to focus on how-to videos rather than story-centric videos. It also uses stand-ins for body parts to explain how to perform certain techniques.

their main focus is on sex from and for a woman’s perspective

Unfortunately, their website doesn’t appear to have been updated in some time. Any content that they are releasing seems to come directly from their YouTube channel (somewhat NSFW), but even their recent video on there is seven years old now.

Women who prefer their content illustrated should check out LC Style (NSFW). It features free erotic comics, videos and sexual health guides by and for women. However, you do need a fair amount of Japanese talent and patience to navigate their site.

How Do People Feel About Women-Centric JAV?

Asking people directly what they think about porn often leads to vague answers—but I did it anyway. I spoke with 10 Japanese people (five men and five women) and five non-Japanese people (both men and women) to gather their views on JAV made for women.

Generally, the Japanese men were either shocked that women watch porn, especially those made specifically for women, or they knew the genre existed but didn’t know what the content was like. Most were also uncomfortable discussing their own viewing habits.

Japanese People’s Perspective on Porn for Women in Japan

After both types looked into it, they both responded with surprise that the content was (at times) as graphic as JAV for men. “It reminded me of love stories where things fade to black—but they didn’t fade to black. It seemed more real” (S, Japanese man).

Others were surprised at how instructional some series were: “I didn’t know I was doing that wrong. It looks so easy in the movies I’m used to watching, but I guess I need to improve my skills” (K, Japanese man).

Japanese women, on the other hand, were far more open about discussing their viewing habits in somewhat more detail. All five women were aware of the aforementioned websites and admitted to checking them out, however, they also admitted that reading love stories/erotica written by and for women was more appealing to them. “I don’t really like the pretty boy type, so the men in movies aren’t doing it for me” (M, Japanese woman).

Some were uncomfortable with the concepts or found the plots “ridiculously over the top and just as harmful as porn for men. Unhealthy expectations of romance—like any guy is going to keep that up for years in a relationship!” (T, Japanese woman).

And From The Outside?

Foreign perspectives on JAV for women were similarly mixed. For men (those that did not identify as having an Asian fetish), they found these movies “a little boring, but also kind of cute? Like you’re seeing what an idealized, actual couple is doing together” (J, American man).

They also found the instructional nature of other videos informative but “they don’t really cover what to do if that’s not working for your girlfriend—like if you watch this and try it, and it doesn’t work, there’s no real plan B given. You just have to wing it and hope for the best?” (M, Canadian man).

Western women agreed with Japanese women that the concepts were more romantic and seemed more cerebral than those for a male audience, but also pointed out two negatives for the genre. “The melodramatic acting… I’m not expecting much from porn but come on” (A, English woman).

The other issue was with the stereotypical reactions of the characters. “If they’re supposed to be a couple that lives together, why are they still being so shy about sex? Shouldn’t they want to tear each other’s clothes off sometimes?” (S, American woman).

Final Thoughts

Overall, however, all 15 people I spoke with regarding female-oriented JAV thought it was a positive step forward in terms of equality and sexuality in Japan, and one further added: “Hopefully this means that in the Japan of the future, men, women and people who identify as other will be able to express their sexuality freely online and off” (T, Japanese man).

If you happen to find yourself looking for something to watch, you might consider female-oriented JAV an option—even if it’s from a purely curious point of view. And if you are looking for more insight into Japan’s bedroom habits, check out our guides on love hotels and Japanese condom brands.

What do you think about porn for women in Japan? Feel free to share your thoughts about it in our comment section.

Letters From Japan: “Did He Just Want To Try Sleeping With A Foreign Woman?”

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 16 Nov 2024 23:00:00 +0000

Hi Hilary—Did he just want to try sleeping with a foreign woman?

I just moved to Tokyo in July this year and I met a Japanese guy who wanted me to tutor him in English. In our first appointment, he showed an interest in me and asked whether I was in a relationship. In the second, he started being physical, like holding my hands while studying and in public, putting his hand on my waist and laying his head on my shoulder.

After that, we went to see a movie at an internet cafe and he became even more aggressive like laying his head on my breast, kissing my neck and ears, kissing my lips and showing other signs that he wanted to have sex with me. So I stopped him before it went too far. I am wondering if he had a real interest in me, or just wanted to try sleeping with a foreign woman or just a one-night stand. Please give me some advice because I have been thinking about it for days.

—English Tutor

Dear English Tutor,

First off, welcome to Japan! I’m sorry this has been one of your first dating experiences here. And when I say dating, I mean dating. This guy was clearly not looking for just an English tutor. What did you tell him about your relationship status? Were you clear that this was a “tutor-student” situation or did you say you were interested in dating? If you told him you were interested in dating (and didn’t say you didn’t want to date him), that wasn’t a second tutoring appointment, that was a date in his mind.

Did you meet him on a “find a teacher” app or website? If so, beware. Those are notoriously full of people (men and women) looking for hookups or people selling sexual services—not English lessons. Yes, it’s not at all what those apps and websites are meant to be, but that’s the reality of the situation. It’s like the people selling MLM services on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble.

Generally speaking, if a guy wants to take you to an internet cafe to “watch a movie” after being that physical in public, nine times out of 10, it’s because he wants to have sex with you, but can’t afford (or doesn’t want to pay for) a love hotel. Of course, there are some guys who genuinely do want to watch a movie and relax with their partner, but when someone’s been as physical as this guy was, that’s a major red flag.

From this experience, there are three things you should keep in mind.

First, if you are offering to tutor someone, keep it professional. Definitely end the appointment immediately if they start trying to be physical. Second, don’t go to a net cafe with a guy if you’re not intending to ‘Netflix and chill’ with him. If you do hook up in a net cafe, you can be detained by the police. Especially if anyone complains about what you two are getting up to in that not-so-private booth. And third, Japan may be considered a relatively safe country, but cases like that of Lindsay Hawker are a stark reminder of what happens when something as simple as a tutoring appointment goes wrong.

Keep your wits about you and use common sense when out with others. Whether that be to legitimately tutor someone or when out on a date. If something isn’t what it was meant to be and you feel uncomfortable, get out of there! Best of luck in your future dating adventures.

Do you have a question you’d like to ask Hilary? Email it to askhilary@savvytokyo.com with the subject “Ask Hilary.”

Letters from Japan: “Sex Isn’t Fun Anymore!”

Hilary Keyes — Sat, 19 Oct 2024 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Hilary—Sex isn’t fun anymore…

I’m an American woman. I’ve lived in Japan for seven years and have been dating the same Japanese man for four years. We’ve been living together for two. We have a great relationship. We go out to events regularly and see movies together. We’re like any other couple.

During the last year, our sex life has gotten out of control. We go through these roller coasters of either having sex all the time or having none at all. Right now we’re in the middle of a month-long dry spell. Neither of us has any physical issues (perfect health checks this year!). We both work long hours like everybody else, but otherwise, we are fine.

When things are good, we both initiate and have no trouble functioning, but then it’s like we get tired of sex. For me, I start feeling like sex gets boring and I don’t want to be the one to initiate. Then I guess my boyfriend gets tired of initiating, and we just stop having sex. When we aren’t having sex, we’re still close. However, we get frustrated, have huge fights and then have make-up sex. Then, this same cycle starts all over again.

I’m tired of dealing with this. I know it’s not healthy, but when I talk to my married friends, they say that it’s just normal for sex to drop off. Or, they tell me that in Japan sexless marriages are normal. I don’t want that, and I don’t think my boyfriend does either. How do I break this cycle? Is there something either of us can do to even things out again?

—Sorta Sexless In Tokyo

Dear Sorta Sexless In Tokyo,

Judging from your email alone, it sounds like you both are attracted to each other and are capable of initiating and enjoying sex. But you said that eventually, “sex gets boring,” and you don’t want to initiate, which means if your boyfriend doesn’t initiate it, it doesn’t happen. It sounds like you’re both getting stuck in the same old routine of sex—in other words, you have established a certain rhythm that is easy and satisfying in the moment but gets boring quickly.

One way to resolve this requires two discussions: one with yourself and one with your partner.

You’re the one that says sex gets boring—why or how is it boring? Is it not satisfying your physical needs, emotional needs, or both? What would make it more satisfying in whichever area is lacking? Do you have something you want to bring into the bedroom in terms of fantasy, toys or positions that would fix the issue in the long term for you?

When you have figured that out for yourself, then it’s time to sit down with your partner and have a serious conversation about sex. I don’t know his side of the story, but it’s possible that he’s getting bored, just as you are. If so, then ask him the same questions that you asked yourself. Give him time to think about these things, too—this isn’t meant to be some quick interview. There might be something that he’s been looking to change about your love lives, too, and he deserves the same opportunity to sort out how he feels.

This might take a while to figure out, and the discussion could even last several days. That’s completely normal. It may also feel awkward because sex is a highly personal topic. Expectations and cultural beliefs about sex also differ widely between Japan and the US, so there is also some culture shock—so to speak—issues that might come up. You might want to read more about discussing sex in Japanese first too.

When you both have figured out what your sex life is missing, your next step is to work on bringing that missing element back into the bedroom.

If it’s related to the physical act itself, why not try watching some adult videos together? There are literally thousands of free resources online that could help. If you both want to introduce toys into the bedroom, then why not visit one of Tokyo’s many pleasure toy shops together? There are plenty of shops near the love hotels in Shinjuku, Shibuya and Ikebukuro.

If you and your partner figure out what’s missing, you’ll both be better equipped to fix the problem. That way, you can stop that unsatisfying roller coaster from starting up once more.