Undateable Male Professions in Japan: Bartenders, Hairdressers & More

There are some professions in Japan that don’t make the dating grade according to some, but what makes them so wrong?

“He works all weekend long.” “He’s too physical.” “They don’t have any money.” Those sound like common complaints that anyone on the dating scene might make, but you may be surprised to find out that these are, in fact, referring to specific undateable professions in Japan.

Yes, that’s right. Having a particular career can kill your love life. Or, at the very least, that’s what Japanese men’s and women’s magazines (and some blogs) will have you believe.

The “don’t date careers” trend has been around for a couple of decades now, but hearing it brought up again on a morning TV show really got me thinking. I discussed it with a few friends over drinks, and their answers prompted me to think even more about it—so much so that I ended up informally interviewing/surveying about 30 Japanese men and women, aged 23-55, about these career biases.

The Original “Non-Dateable Careers”

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Beginning in the late 1990s to early 2000s, women’s magazines such as Ageha, AnAn, Can-Can and Non-No surveyed women of all ages and discovered that there were three jobs, referred to as the 3B’s, that were ranked as the least desired male professions to date.

These 3B’s are:

• Band members or bassists (still considered the worst offenders among band members)
• Bartenders
• Biyoshi (美容師) or beauticians/hairdressers

These men are often considered handsome and the best-dressed men about town. Yet, they aren’t seen as the ideal partners thanks to their irregular work schedules, less-than-steady incomes and flirty, womanizing reputations.

From 3Bs To 5Bs+

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Nowadays, there are over five B’s and other letters floating around in discussions. In addition to the original 3Bs, another two were added to the commonly understood undateable professions list, with the additions being:

• Bloggers (better known these days as content creators/influencers)
• Binbō (貧乏) or “broke boys”

These broke boys aren’t always poor due to bad luck or poor planning so much as a refusal to prioritize stable income, or a continuing dependence on their parents for their financial needs. Bloggers also still carry that image of unstable income, which many women fear may compromise their own lifestyle down the road.

The 3Ss

• Seitaishi (massage/bodywork therapists)
• Shōbōshi (firefighters)
• Sports instructors

These guys can come across as serious, down-to-earth men but behind that majime (mature) veneer lurk rumors of flirtation and infidelity—at least according to magazines like GJewel, Pinky Life Magazine and Lovely. Some say their irregular hours, physical contact as part of the job and a certain rugged magnetism make physical closeness feel less special and more casual.

The Risky & Ideal 3Cs

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There are also 3Cs. However, be aware that there are two distinct types of 3Cs in the conversation: the risky ones and the ideal ones.

The Risky 3Cs

• Consultants
• Creators (similar to the “B” for blogger)
• Chefs or カレーをスパイスから作る男性 (kare- wo supaisu kara tsukuru dansei; “men who make curry from scratch”)

These 3Cs are considered risky due to their often unpredictable nature. They may also be emotionally distant individuals with irregular working hours. The criticism is also that these men are overly particular, creatively self-centered or live by their own rules, making them “hard to live with.”

The Ideal 3Cs

• Comfortable
• Communicative
• Cooperative

The ideal 3Cs are not technically professions, but rather the traits that most women say they truly want and should look for in a partner. Someone you can relax around, talk with about what matters and who’ll work together on the small things like housework, planning and supporting each other.

What About Women?

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Of course, women aren’t immune to bias either. Men’s magazines like Men Gym, Uomo and even GQ have their own “bad jobs for girlfriends and potential wives” lists. Among the least desirable professions are:

• Nurses
• Lawyers
• Police officers
• Hairdressers
• Sports instructors/massage therapists
• Traditional office ladies (OLs)
• Hostesses
• “Professional only-daughters,” (although obviously not a profession)

Hairdressers, female sports instructors and massage therapists suffer from the same misconceptions as their male counterparts, while many men still view traditional office ladies as being “desperate housewife wannabes”.

Hostesses are typically expected (if not forced) to provide “extra customer service” in order to earn the big bucks from their club, which isn’t something that many men are willing to accept in a serious partner. “Nurses are too busy”, “lawyers are too intimidating” and “police officers have too risky work” are the in-a-nutshell reasons for the others.

“Professional only-daughters” simply refers to daughters of single-child families. Thanks to Japan’s aging society and flatlining birth rate, these daughters have the full burden of caring for their parents plus a career to think of, and “they can be the worst kind of husband hunters,” as 31-year-old Satoshi, a participant in my survey, explains.

The Hidden 2s

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From my own conversations with Japanese men and women, two previously unmentioned professions that also seem to have a bad reputation are:

• Delivery drivers for men
• Eikaiwa (English language schools) instructors for women

Delivery drivers suffer from two biases, affecting both men and women: their irregular schedules and long hours, which make them less available for dates, and their perceived promiscuity (are they really spending all this time delivering?)

As for eikaiwa workers, for Japanese men interested in dating non-Japanese women, seriousness and jealousy were the two most commonly mentioned issues.

“Very few foreign women live in Japan for more than a couple of years, and a lot of them treat Japan like some fantasy land. I could never date one seriously—or move abroad with them when they get bored with Japan. Why should I give up my culture for someone who doesn’t take my country seriously?” (Masa, 31).

“I don’t think it’d be a serious relationship. I wouldn’t want my future wife spending all that time talking to other men—it’s like being a hostess” (Keigo, 29).

So, Should We Really Avoid These Professions?

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Of course, not everyone in these jobs is an undesirable partner, and discounting someone solely based on their career is, needless to say, ridiculous. However, in Japan, at least, there appears to be some truth to these beliefs.

“My younger brother is a bartender. He’s a good man, but he works seven days a week and sleeps all day—he doesn’t have time to date anyone.” (Hiroko, 51).

“I used to date a drummer, and I never knew where he was or who he was with. He went on tour and came back married. His “main” girlfriend had given birth to their second child and he felt guilty.” (Mariko, 46).

“I’ve dated a real estate broker before—he was a lovely, funny guy, but our work schedules never matched up, and even if we were out on a date together, phone calls from his clients or boss came first.”

“My friend dated a binbo before she knew he was broke—he took her to Kyoto for a weekend and got arrested because he was using his mother’s credit card to fund the trip.”

While we can see that there is plenty of anecdotal evidence to support these do-not-date career biases in this group of 30 people, it is essential to note that no two individuals are the same. Your decision to date or not date someone should come down to how compatible you are and how well you can communicate your own wants and needs to one another.

Or… you may consider changing your job? Either way, let all of this be your choice.

What do you think of these perceptions? Are there any other undateable professions in Japan that have a bad reputation for dating?

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