Finding Love At Any Age in Japan: Advice & Insights
The Dating Scene by Decade
What's it like to date at different ages in Japan?
We all know that the dating scene changes as we age. So, how does finding love at different decades of our lives play out for foreign women in Japan?
Dating In Your 20s
© Photo by iStock: Toru-SanogawaDating in your twenties in Japan is a fun, lighthearted experience—for the most part. While the number of people in relationships at this age has been on a steady decline in Japan in recent years, there are still plenty of people out there enjoying casual relationships at least.
Most foreign women who have come to Japan in their twenties are fresh out of university and want to enjoy their experience in a different country. Dating isn’t about finding a soulmate per se, but meeting new people and seeing if you and life in Japan are a good fit for one another.
“I came to Japan because I wanted to experience something new. I’ve been to so many exciting places, met tons of people, and I’ve dated a bit too. Nothing serious, not yet, and the guys I’ve met are mostly in the same mindset” (Emma, American, 24).
The one piece of advice that I would give to anyone dating in Japan in their twenties is to understand yourself first. You’re in a new country, things are different, and it’s easy to get swept up in that excitement. Don’t lose sight of who you are and what you want out of life in the process.
Dating In Your 30s
© Photo by iStock: AzmanJakaHonestly, dating in your thirties is just as much fun as it is in your twenties, although how you go about it is different. This is true no matter where you are in the world, although in Japan it can seem somewhat daunting at first.
According to My Navi Women, your thirties are a crossroads. Do you want to get married, have children, focus on your career, change careers, etc.? For many, this means being more settled and taking a more level-headed approach to future relationships/marriage than in their twenties.
One major part of dating in your thirties as a foreign woman in Japan is looking for someone who is actually available and not in a situationship, engaged but looking, married, or worst of all, married with children.
“I got out of a long-term relationship recently and started dipping my toe in the dating scene. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, but the number of married guys looking for a ‘friends with benefits’ is shocking” (Lindsey, American, 35).
“At first, I started on Tinder and Bumble, but there are a lot of food pictures and the like instead of people with anything relevant about themselves on their profiles. I joined a few chat groups during the pandemic, and that led to making actual friends, and I’ve been on a few dates because of that” (Jane, Canadian, 37).
The best advice if you’re dating in your thirties in Japan comes from a friend of mine. “Don’t be desperate. Being in a relationship, getting married, having kids, those are all good things, but you can’t rush into them. You’ll regret it if you do” (Alison, Australian, 39).
Dating In Your 40s
© Photo by iStock: Rossella De BertiAccording to Onet, people in their forties are more likely to be financially stable and independent. They’re less likely to be looking for a marriage partner and more of a companion. For foreign women, on the other hand, if you’re still in Japan (or newly moved here), dating might be the furthest thing from your mind.
“I gave up on dating [in Japan] a few years ago and focused on my hobbies instead. Last year, I joined a cooking school and made friends with my classmates. We went out for drinks, I mentioned that I was single, and one classmate said they had a coworker they could introduce me to. He and I have been dating for a few months now. Prior to him, my dating life was strictly app-based, which wasn’t working whatsoever. I think in-person connections seem to be the best option when you’re beyond ‘selfie’ age” (Jennifer, American, 46).
Sometimes you can stumble into a relationship, too. There’s no age restriction on meet-cutes.
“I’m once divorced, no kids, so I had a slightly easier time getting back to dating than some friends overseas. I found my partner at a food festival in Yoyogi Park of all places. We were sitting at tables next to one another with our respective friends, but kept bumping into each other at the stalls and eventually started talking. It’s casual, but a lot of fun” (Carrie, American, 44).
The best dating advice for those in their forties and in Japan is to “Let things come naturally. You don’t need to push someone to be with you, and you shouldn’t push yourself to be with someone either. Your life is yours, so do what makes you happiest” (Ashley, Canadian, 47).
Dating At 50 & Beyond
© Photo by iStock: O2O CreativeBeing in your fifties plus and dating in Japan might sound like an improbable combination, but it doesn’t have to be.
At fifty, you’ve likely progressed as far as you want to in your career, and you’re not focused on having children (or if you have them, they are or are nearly adults themselves). In some cases, you might have elderly parents to worry about as well. You probably have hobbies and friends that take up your free time, and dating could be the last thing on your mind, except for those moments where you find yourself longing for someone special.
According to Onet, your fifties are a time when your interest in marriage might be gone, but a relationship or companionship of a more serious nature takes precedence. You’re not looking for a passionate love affair per se, but one that is emotionally fulfilling first and foremost. If you’re in your fifties plus and looking for companionship, one of the best ways to go about it is to indulge in your hobbies and interests.
“I came to Japan after I retired early from my old job and just wanted someone to pass the time with while I travelled. So, I signed up for a number of bus tours. I met a lovely Japanese man while doing a sake tasting tour, and we hit it off. He and I don’t live together, but we still date and travel. Our relationship might not sound exciting, but it’s comfortable” (Shirley, Canadian, 66).
No matter your age, finding love in Japan can be an exciting experience, so don’t be afraid—enjoy yourself!
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